#am i supposed to keep some distance
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year ago
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well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle
#i would love advice on this if y'all have any thoughts to share because i know what my parents think and im having trouble sorting it out#i love these three friends of mine but it is really draining to be around them now because all they will talk about is church drama#(re: our old church) and rehashing it all and being Outraged about the horrors etc etc#either that or being downright condescending about protestants/non denominations and acting like it's funny to talk like that all the time#i end up being more angry or resentful or exasperated at the end of our conversations than glad and at peace like i did before#(before all THIS ish happened and the three of them were like okay this is all we're going to talk about now)#i've tried to say in gentle ways (i am simply not capable of this kind of blunt confrontation) that maybe we should not be talking#so uncharitably towards other people especially behind their backs. like. yes bad things happened. we have to acknowledge that.#but continually making jokes and jibes at a priest's expense really rubs me the wrong way especially since i KNOW that he loves us#and in many ways was trying his best in the circumstances. and are we not supposed to be loving our neighbour#and is this not downright slander to keep going on this way esp since it goes on for HOURS at a time#anyway i don't know what to DO because if i keep chatting with them/meeting up with them conversation will be 90% this thing and i Hate It#but on the other hand i feel responsibility towards them because my godson's one of them and another is a friend who is a fairly recent#convert and if i leave them to stew in their own echo chamber i doubt it'll do them good#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?#am i supposed to keep speaking up so that they hear a different perspective? am i supposed to run in the other direction for my own peace o#mind? anyway i am still thinking this over and it stresses me OUT#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways
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1hyunjae · 9 days ago
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#im such a private person irl and for what like what purpose does this serve#all it does is distance me from people and keep me from making deep deep connections i know that very well#its just the act of opening up and being vulnerable especially when people aren’t groveling for me to open up is so unimaginable and#horrible#why do i do this like why i rlly dont want to share anything abt myself i just wanna know everything abt everyone while not sharing#anything abt myself#and then at the same time i am feel deeply disconnected and not understood and not known by anyone in my life except my mom#which im grateful for at least i have her but why cant i be that same way with friends i have literally had for 20+ years#i know i have to open up unprompted like without someone begging me to do so or its just gonna get worse and worse#but at the same time if there is this friend and shes curious idk theres just a million different things running through my head and im#just not ever a 100% honest or genuine with them#i guess in a way i also want to be seen in a certain light and as a certain someone and i do try to preserve an image of sorts even though#thats ridiculous to do with your fucking friends idk i guess im pretentious as shit?#i dont even know anymore#more than anything its like often when i share sth that was hard for me to open up abt i feel like ppl dont treat that with care or at#least havent in the past#and i rlly rlly hated that a lot and just i dont know#i told my mom some of the things my friends have said to me which has upset me and she was it sounds like they dont know you at all#and then she said but can i tell you that this is your own fault#and im like. i know. whag are they supposed to do#idk why am i like this what purpose does this serve omg id love to spend a day as an oversharer irl just to get a glimpse of what its like#i know this sounds odd bcs me online is just pure word vomit but thats probably also overcompensation cause i dont share these things with#my friends aka the ppl who i should actually be talking to#anyways
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moonlit-orchid · 7 months ago
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Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post
Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight
#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine#and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out”#so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao#am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now#I'm just questioning something about someone#sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot#even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay.#because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before.#but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in#i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong-#-again and if i need to hear another drama again#it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much#maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it?#i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess?#i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now#i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now)#i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something#i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore#okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight#mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red#alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages#(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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...
#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted#and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i#think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god.#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind#and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind#splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt#and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d#some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard#as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not#and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and#more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this#and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make#things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill#laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop#with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out#itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄#unrelated
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synthetic-sonata · 4 days ago
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really awesome day to think everythings going alright and then you wake up and get hit in the face twice in a row
#vent#why am i suddenly the worst person to exist to everyone again for having bpd and complex emotions. 2023s coming back in a new way#like oh wow Have you ever thoguht of how Aria Feels. Have you ever thought to fucking talk to me about this . god.#this specific group of people keeps making me miserable and then complains about me being miserable about it. like yea. bc that makes sense#maybe i shouldve left all of you huh. maybe i shouldve done that. i need to be the one with agency over my emotions for fucking once.#everyone walks all over me and expects it to do nothing. keeping my fears in check and keeping my confirmation biases very much there.#lua if you see this that was entirely fucking unwarranted. im not some fucking evil person. i just have BPD. we tried.#i dont like venting to you for every single little thing either and it makes me miserable too! it wouldve been nice if you said that first.#all of it made me miserable but thats all we ever fucking talked about.#i really fucking tried just to get kicked down and spit at again for something so stupid and then the remaining 3 also left again.#what am i supposed to do. what do you want me to do.#i genuinely tried. i always wanted to try but just got left with questions and unexplainable emotions. and now everythings like this again#no explanations. nothing to give me any benefit of the doubt. just no youre evil and awful for this thing that we all also do but#were all going to blame YOU for not being honest about your emotions. and then i start being very open about my emotions#and people hate that too. literally what do you fucking want from me anymore. have i been anything other than a strawman to any of you#just an ideal to chase . just whatever you want to form me into ?#i am not a saint and never claim to be or claim to be the best or even most reasonable opinion. but you should all maybe evaluate that your#extraordinarily comically bad at anything regarding this. better at communicating my fucking ass.#i dont want to be at either of you twos fucking whims anymore. i dont even want to be at my own.#leave me the hell alone. observe me at a distance. just dont fucking talk to me until you have something better to say.#i did not need that. it is unfair to me. not now. not any time. not near my birthday not near new years. i did not need this suddenly today#because people dont communicate anything to me. and then expect me to be fine to be slapped in the face with it like its expected.#you people fucking suck.#i feel abused by fucking everyone. i am not a real person to any of you and never will be. nobody cared about my personhood#and you know what. im fine with that. because neither of you are here anymore.#literally i am mentally not built for people who made me miserable then blaming me for my misery . or the most stupid friendgroup drama of#the century i am built for playing touys and having fun Fuck u all forever get out of my life FOREVER !#itll probably come back again and then ill be mentally susceptible to this bullshit again but for now literally just . fuck off.#i dont want to be in your ouroboros ( lol ) of endless misery feedback loop bullshit anymore#like woww i have problems but Wow. Its almost like you two made it worse? Idk! Just a thought.
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always-a-slut-4-ghouls · 22 days ago
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All I can do until we see what happens with this election is hope, distract myself, and try to get others to vote, because if I think too hard about it my anxiety and depression gets worse and the voice in the back of my head that tells me to hurt myself and go hide in the woods or something gets louder
#emma posts#I guess I could also try to make offerings as a way to cope#depression#anxiety#the voice in the back of my head that tells me to kill myself keeps getting more chatty#I don’t think I’d go that far though#my desire to do anything keeps getting weaker#I’m scared#I can only do this and think ‘wouldn’t it be funny if we had something else crazy in fandom on the 5th?’#I have a therapy appointment for the first time in months scheduled for Friday#when i scheduled it it was coincidental timing but this might be a good thing#I am also thinking about changing therapists if my long time one feels dismissive of my concerns#I think ‘maybe I should have paid a visit to my family this week actually’ and then I remember that one brother moved back in with#my parents again and I’m like ‘actually maybe it’s best if I keep some distance for a bit. I can still text my parents about stuff’#i don’t want to be scared of that brother and I don’t think he’d ever hit me or anything. but it’s hard to be around him sometimes#he just gets so angry and he won’t get treatment like the rest of us do#he even called my other brother a slur and said ‘he was being sensitive about it’ and I was torn between staying hidden and throwing hands#but he’s way bigger than me and that would have just exilated things#he yells so loud and slams doors and says things that hurt and scare me and I just want to hide away. it’s not good#he refuses treatment for his issues and insults the rest of us for getting it for various issues of our own and he falls for so much#propaganda shit that’s supposed to draw third party people into that conservative fascist bigotry shit#the rest of the family can have totally chill conversations with each other even about politics but he just lashes out and I freeze up like#a scared rabbit. it’s different when it’s brought into one of the places you feel safest#and it’s somehow even harder when it’s your little brother and not your weird uncle#my parents are democrats who are more left than the actual party and my other brother isn’t really into politics#my parents kinda encouraged us to develop our own opinions though and it’s lead to me being really far left and my other brother#being in a really weird position where he thinks he’s some outsider but keeps falling for republican stuff#I know I would get angry for some similar psychological reasons when I was younger before treatment and maturity. but I was 13!#he’s a tall athletic man in his mid twenties! it’s a bit different!#I can see what lead him there. but he’s just been worse about it and it’s scary
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starry-bi-sky · 6 months ago
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I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#I AM LOUDLY PUSHING THE BATDAD AGENDA#anyways— add ons are encouraged i wanna talk more dpxdc with folks i just cant find any aus i really like enough to engage with#which is nobody's fault and its why im making my own content in order to reach more people#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dc x dp#dpxdc prompts#i took a ‘which batfam member are you (except its personal)’ quiz a few days ago#and got bruce wayne. and then was promptly read to filth why im most like him and it rudely but accurately explained why im the most like#him. it also consequently explained to me why i like him so much. whenever i see him in his kindest form i see a mirror looking back#anyways lots of ‘danny rejecting bruce as a parent’ aus. may i present: bruce and danny finding family in each other aus. batdad aus pls.#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#this prompt can take place at any point of Batkid accumulation but personally i was imagining this as before Bruce has any of his kids yet#eldest brother danny supremacy and also just that one on one bonding#danny being someone who was never afraid of the dark as a kid and even less so as he got older. taking solace in it as a ghost because you#cant hide in the dark when you glow. his enemies can't jump out at him. but he can jump out at them. how can he be afraid of the dark when#the dark is where the stars like to live? there's a comfort in the shadows. there might be something hiding in it. but he's hiding in it to#blood blossoms eat ghosts headcanon#wasn't sure where i was gonna go with this at the beginning and then i caught steam.#batman casually kidnaps an orphan upon kid's request. also the kid was Actively Dying Of Poison. What was he gonna do?? NOT help him?#mister 'keeps candy in his utility belt specifically for scared children'??? no way.
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suiana · 1 month ago
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I've been thinking about women lately so imagine yandere! sugar mommy 🤤🤤🤤
because i love ceoxpeasant, imagine you're some broke ass barista selling coffees in a tiny coffee shop that's on the brink of closing down. you're living from paycheck to paycheck, scrimping by and skipping meals just to pay the ever rising rent of this capitalist world you live in.
suddenly, you feel the trajectory of your life change when an obviously rich, gorgeous and... very well endowed lady walks into your establishment and gives you 100 dollars for a simple black coffee.
"um here's your change-"
"you can keep it darling."
you were stunned, obviously not knowing what to do other than to awkwardly keep the money back into the cash register as you turn around to make her coffee.
that was until she spoke up.
"you look pathetic. be my sugar baby."
"???"
you drop the coffee beans at her words, staring wide-eyed as she looks you up and down. her expensive suit fitted against her body like it was made just for her, the shining patek watch that glistened under the dim lighting of the store... more importantly, the stern gaze she had and the slight smirk as she leaned towards you.
you had never felt so... naked before. and she wasn't even doing anything other than moving her eyes and stance! wait, did she just call you pathetic?
"hahaha... um, funny joke-"
"i'll pay for all your rent and groceries if you become my pet."
"meow."
and that was how you found yourself leaving your old trashy job and life behind.
you found out that this lady was actually a successful business owner and was older than you were. just a little bit :3
your life had done a complete 360 and you were swimming in riches, going to expensive restaurants as you allowed yourself to be spoiled rotten by your beloved sugar mommy.
sure, some of your friends slowly started to distance themselves from you and you were confused because you did nothing to offend them...
but your sugar mommy told you not to worry about it. not when you had her.
so you listened. you didn't know what it was about her (her money) but you felt this strange urge to just listen to what she said. if she asked you to bark? you'd bark. if she asked you to crawl on all fours? you'd crawl on all fours.
until she made this ridiculous request.
"marry me."
did she actually love you? what? you thought this was just a mutually beneficial relationship you two had! like, you please her and she throws money and riches at you?? why is she asking for-
"hahaha... um, no?"
"funny way of saying yes, my love."
she stares ta you, eyes burning into you soul as you nervously shift in front of her.
gyatt damn what were you supposed to do? you couldn't disagree now could you? as much as you didn't want to marry her- wait what is she doing? why is she grabbing your hand and placing a pen-
"I've grown exceptionally fond of you, my dear. my heart belongs to you."
wait wait wait, what is she doing?! is that marriage documents?! stop stop-
"just the thought of seeing you with others brings me immense discomfort. so much so that i physically feel ill, darling."
her voice is like honey, yet her actions feel like claws digging into your skin as she forces your signature onto the paper.
"i am afraid i cannot let you go."
oh no, what have you gotten yourself into?
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silentwalrus1 · 4 months ago
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I like to think about what if the Kaminoans just, fucked all the way up and made the clones telepaths on purpose.
Kamino is in the Rishi maze, the equivalent of total buttfuck nowhere. This is like a cattle processing plant in rural Montana manufacturing an order for Shenzhen as outlined by a third party intermediary from Monaco who keeps contact with neither production nor “client” and nobody’s first language is Basic. Jedi are like, totally psychic right? Right. Psychic army for psychic clients, sounds right, checks out. There are whole ass telepathic alien species out there, some of which are also Jedi. Why would they want NON-psychic clones. Get it done, Tally Ho or Nala Says or whatever her name is. Chop chop.
Cue like seven years into production and the Kaminoan project leads are starting to get some… inklings…. that maybe some of the deliverable specs were perhaps not so much well-researched as based off cross-galactic hearsay some underpaid analysts pulled off space reddit. This is a business, okay? You’re not gonna make profit manufacturing two million units of fucking anything if you treat it like a luxury product, but especially not if the product has goddamn childhood development & socialization needs. Of fucking course some shit maybe slipped through the cracks. What are we supposed to fucking do now, Lama goddamn Sue sir, tell the Jedi or the pickled fucking Sith that oopsie woopsie, we got the specs wrong half a decade in and have to start over again?
No. No we are not. We are going to lie our fucking semi-aquatic asses off, is what we’re gonna do, and so will you clones if you know what’s good for you. NONE of you are fucking psychic, and you never were. Got that? Understood?
Fast forward to Jedi pickup D-Day and every time anyone with a lightsaber gets within aural biosystem of choice distance the clones immediately start loudly and dutifully Having Conversations.
Hello Commander Sir, It Is I, Trooper McSoldierClone, What A Weather It Is Today, Ha Ha? Over. Yes Indeed McTrooper One Two Three Four, I Am Agree, Now Here Is An Order To Follow Which I Am Vociferously Giving You, Acknowledge Orally, Over. Every clone making rock-hard sweating eye contact like don’t fuck it up as they mentally chant encouragement and script notes and jeering performance feedback at each other. Cadets trooping to fucking speech practice to learn speaking out loud with all the enthusiasm and skill of the average white suburban Floridian teenager taking their fifth mandatory Spanish 1 class. The jedi are like damn these poor asylum grown freaks are so unsocialized and uncomfortable around us, Their Owners, this is so tragic and horrid and unfortunate and meanwhile every clone standing silently in formation is mentally spectating the 400-person telepathic tetris team sport they invented with the same vibes as a football world cup back alley street party complete with official & unofficial betting pools and expert panel commentary
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jaylalolz · 2 months ago
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❛ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 ❜ p2 . . . charlie mayhew
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INNOCENT!reader x PRIEST!charlie 𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚
PART 1
SUMMARY, after ignoring charlie for a week after the incident, he finally gets her close in the bathroom.
A/N, sorry i took way too long to make a p2. if you want a p3, leave some recommendations of what i should do for that part in my inbox bc i have no idea how to keep it going 😂 anyways, have fun reading, angels. 🪽🪽
WARNINGS, smuttyyyyy
Charlie had noticed the change immediately after their last conversation—the one where Maddy had admitted, with a tremble in her voice, that she had thought about him in ways she knew weren’t right. He had been shocked, then flattered, and finally, filled with guilt after everything. But what troubled him the most was her absence.
For a whole week, Maddy hadn’t spoken to him. She didn’t show up at mass, didn’t linger after church like she usually did. Every time he tried to reach out, she brushed him off with curt messages or avoided him entirely. She wasn’t just distant—she was actively ignoring him.
At first, Charlie tried to give her space, assuming that she needed time to process what had happened between them. But as the days passed, his concern grew. The gnawing guilt inside him—the feeling that maybe he had crossed a line, that maybe he had hurt her more than he realized—began to fester.
It wasn’t until late one evening, after most of the congregation had already left, that Charlie spotted her. Maddy, rushing down the hallway, her face flushed, disappeared into the restroom. The church was quiet, the echoes of footsteps fading, and Charlie hesitated for a moment before following her.
He knocked softly on the bathroom door. “Maddy?”
There was no response, but he heard a faint sniffle, the kind that comes after holding back tears for too long. Charlie’s heart clenched. He hesitated, not wanting to invade her space, but the sound of her pain pushed him forward.
“Maddy, please talk to me,” he said gently. “I know you’ve been avoiding me, but I can’t help you if you shut me out.”
There was a long pause, and then the door cracked open. Maddy stood there, her eyes red and puffy, but there was something hardened in her expression. She looked exhausted—not just physically, but emotionally.
“Why do you care so much, Charlie?” she asked, her voice thick with frustration and hurt. “I’m trying to keep my distance, like I’m supposed to. Isn’t that what you want?”
Charlie frowned, stepping closer. “What I want is to understand why you’ve been avoiding me. After everything we talked about, I thought we could work through this together, but you’ve been shutting me out completely.”
Maddy let out a bitter laugh, wiping at her eyes. “Work through this? Charlie, you don’t get it. I’m embarrassed. I told you something I never should have said, something unholy, we did something for which I will never be forgiven. And every time I look at you, I see the judgment in your eyes.”
Charlie’s breath caught in his throat, realizing the depth of her shame. “Maddy, no,” he said, stepping toward her, his voice softening. “There’s no judgment. I promise you that.”
“Then why does it feel like there’s a wall between us now?” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Why did it feel like I crossed a line that I can’t uncross?”
Charlie closed his eyes, fighting the turmoil in his chest. He had wrestled with his own guilt all week, and now hearing hers, it was clear they were both lost in their own pain. He opened his eyes and met hers, his gaze steady.
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he said softly. “What you told me… it was honest. I do not regret what we did together, i am not ashamed of it.”
She looked at him for a long moment, her eyes searching his face for any hint of dishonesty. When she didn’t find it, she exhaled slowly, some of the tension leaving her shoulders.
“So, why does it matter so much, Charlie? Why did we both make it feel like the end of the world?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Charlie ran a hand through his hair, taking a breath. “Because it’s hard, Maddy. It’s hard to admit that something’s there, something we both feel but can’t have. It’s hard because I want to help you through this, but I also… I’m fighting the same thoughts, the same distractions.” His confession hung in the air between them, heavy and real.
Maddy’s breath hitched, her eyes widening slightly. “You mean…?”
Charlie nodded, looking down. “I’m not immune to this. But I’m trying to stay strong for both of us. And ignoring me won’t make it go away. We have to figure out how to deal with this together.”
Maddy wiped at her eyes again, this time with less urgency, as if the weight of their shared secret had lightened slightly. “I don’t know how to make it stop,” she admitted, her voice small.
“Neither do I,” Charlie said quietly. “But I can help you, Angel.”
He stepped closer to her, trapping her exit from the restroom. His fingers interlocks with her hair as he pulls a strand behind her ear and grabbed her face and pulled her closer. “Tell me you don’t regret it, please” he says eagerly as he places his forehead on hers.
“Just Let me worship you”
Her head spins from the thousands of negative possibilities but her body just wants to surrender to him.
Without kissing her, he trailed his lips up her curve and exhaled till the heat tingled sensuously across her delicate skin. She closed her eyes, sensing his hands running up her sides over her white button-up blouse. He clasped his hands over the cloth, tracing a line up her hips and down the sides of her chest before finishing at the collar of the weightless material.
He made two hard fists out of the blouse collar and tore it open causing her to gasp in shock as the shirt split open to reveal her white lacy bra.
He turned to face her and grabbed her hips once again, the moment the door was locked. Before her thoughts could register, his lips dropped hungrily to her neck and her back collided with the wall. He brushed his teeth on her flesh right away, pressing his body against her while groaning.
Her hands instinctively gripped his hips, tossing her head to one side. They kissed for a long time, his sensual lips breathing heavily into her neck in between, making her eyes drift close. He thrust forward, bringing his hips to meet hers, offering whatever kind of pleasure he could. Her hands clenched around his hips over his pants, and she let out a sigh of pleasure.His hands trailed down her nude thighs, extending to her behind to seize it above the dress. He pulls her hips against his harder.
"I can't wait to take this dress off you." He graveled.
His words cause her core to ache and she arched her back further off the wall to feel his body against her even more. He takes the motion and decides to just pick her up instead. His hand reaches behind her thighs, where he raises her and surrounds her weak legs around his hips. Her back against the wall as their hips collided, she took a deep breath at the abrupt change.Now at eye level with her, he planted a kiss on her jaw and positioned himself between her legs. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she held him in place. She felt weak as a result of his forceful hip thrust between her legs.
She dug her hands into his hair and let out a cry through a pant. When she pulled it, he gave a grunt. He clamped down harder on her neck, and in response, she let out an uncontrollable whine.
He tightly clamped his teeth into a single area, creating such strong suction that she was certain it would leave a mark. She almost lost consciousness when she separated her lips in response to her aggressive action, arching her back. Feeling him rough on the pale skin, she reflexively jerked her hand to the back of his head. She got mild pain spikes with it, but other than that, it was enjoyable.
She pulled at the roots above his neck, and he whispered into her neck. She knew immediately that he enjoyed it when she yanked his hair. His moan provided the necessary stimulation between her legs. He drags out every motion so that she begs him to keep going.
With her bra and panties on, she arched her back, feeling the tight fit of his jeans pressing on her inner part. she could feel how hard he was becoming quickly, he was absolutely bottled up in those tight jeans. Suddenly, he sets her down on her two feet and goes on his knees. He lanced down at her stomach, licking his lower lip with his tongue before lowering his head to give her abdomen a moist kiss. Her whole body trembled at the light touch.
He reached her panties and raised his head, gazing up into her eyes all the way up her body. Grabbing the edges of her lace panties, he sits up between her legs and pulls it up off her hips and down her thighs right away. She tensed slightly as he took off the final piece of material covering her body. She raised her legs into the air and he pulled the thin material away from her ankles.
He tossed the last piece of clothing to the floor, leaving her completely vulnerable. “Now, you’re gonna be a good girl and stay quiet. we don’t want anyone to hear you”
Just by feeling his tongue running up her center, her stomach lurched and her entire body flexed. He forced his mouth against her tightly and rolled his tongue straight to the cluster of nerves before she could even begin to grasp the strange sensation of his sharp tongue sliding up her slit. "Charlie-" her back curved off the wall before she could even complete her statement.
Without holding back, he went straight into her clit with a wonderful rhythmic roll of his tongue. Her eyes narrowed as she closed them.
Her hips twitched with the intensity of this wild new feeling right away. "Charlie, oh my god," she said, rolling her eyes inside her head. He maintained a death grip on her thighs, keeping them forced open to give him complete access to enjoy her in any way he pleased. She was unable to regulate her sensitivity, and it would make her body twitch.
His wet tongue rolled in the perfect place at different rhythms and at a steady pace, making her experience things She have never felt in her entire life. He just started, and she was unable to catch her breath.Her hands would be death grasping his thick hair right now if she could control them.
He placed her legs over his shoulders, reaching lower and squeezing a firm grasp around her outer thighs and hip bones. With a deep inhale through his nose, he caressed her with his tongue, sending a surge of ecstasy up her neck and into her veins. With a moan, she chokes and throws back her head, putting her legs across his long back.
She wasn't prepared for the kind of pleasure he gave her when he slid his lengthy tongue inside of her and ran it down. He was an expert at what he was doing and was doing it very well. Then the knot in her stomach turned to give her trembling thighs. Before returning to her clit, which she could now feel pulsating, he slid his tongue in and out of her a few times. The pressure burning inside of her intensified as soon as he made touch with it once more.
She flinches and draws in a short breath as he flicks the tip of his tongue up and down on the bundle of nerves. "I need it so bad.. charlie..." She could not be silent in the room; she was a mess of heavy pants. She was unable to stop herself from breathing heavily and was always accompanied by whimpers and whines that were concealed in the back of her throat.
He looks down between them, his ring and middle fingers digging deep into her. He instantly coiled and shoved them at the same moment, making her gasp. She was taken aback by the furious action. He was panting as well, so she arched her back and let out a whimper into the thick air. The two fingers he didn't have rings on, his fingers rocked into her mercilessly.
She let out a cry, tightly clenching her eyelids and contorting her hips. He coiled up and compressed his fingers, striking a sensitive area within her which she had no idea contained so many nerve endings."You're so fucking tight-" In his deep voice, he whispered.
Her legs trembled as she yelled out, “please." "Does that feel good?" He rasps into the burning air while simultaneously caressing her clit with his fingers. Shutting her eyes tightly, she gave a nod. Her stomach felt like it was about to burst; there were no words to express the feelings she was experiencing.
"Do you feel that knot in your stomach, Angel?" He whispered, reading her thoughts.
She groaned and nodded once more, her chest heaving in a need for breath. "Use your words." More forcefully, he remarks, It was so difficult to focus on anything other than the euphoric rush coursing through her blood. “Y-yes." was her stutter.
"I'm adding a third." Before striking a third finger into her, he muttered. She let out a gasp as he pushed past the line, his third finger descending in unison with the other two. She let out a cry, her back automatically arching off the wall.
"Oh my god!" The pressure between her hips immediately increased as the third finger was thrust in, causing her to cry. her body came out in another sweat, her hips suddenly having a mind of their own when they bucked.
He glanced up at her face, saw how shaken she was getting, her legs trembling with her inability to remain silent. He pulled his hand away from her clit and instead brought it up to cover her lips because she was extremely loud. When the build started to get more tense, he began to shove his three fingers deep into her.
"Everyone is right next door." He smirks.
"You can yell into my hand."
With her eyes squeezed shut, she yelled into his big palm that was placed across her mouth. Her back continued to arch off the wall as the condition grew progressively deeper. She felt as though she were on a cloud and was at a loss for words regarding what was occurring to her body.
"Cum for me baby-" He encouraged, drawing his eyes into hers. He knew she was close.
She whimpered into his fingers, her body's gears shifting like a moving train. Her thighs trembled as though she was freezing, her stomach was drawn in, and her chest pumped fiercely. She kept screaming into his palm at the crushing strain that was killing her, and his fingers kept jamming into the same area.
Her entire body was tight; she was too weak to continue in this state for very long. She let out his muffled name in a scream and then abruptly stopped moving. Everything—shaking, arching, breathing—stopped abruptly.
She undid herself on his fingers. She moans at the feeling of emptiness as he pulls away. He puts a kiss on her forehead and adds, "I knew you would be such a good girl for me." She was still trembling from what had happened, so he gently placed her clothing and underwear on her.
She slid to the floor, tears spilling down her cheeks. The shame she felt was suffocating, wrapping itself around her until she could barely breathe.
“Maddy,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
She shook her head, wiping at her tears with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, her voice broken. “I’m so, so sorry. I don’t know why i’m crying”
Charlie was kneeling beside her before she could finish, his hands gentle as he reached for her. “Maddy, stop,” he murmured. “You don’t have to apologize”
She shook her head, tears still spilling down her cheeks. “It feels wrong, Charlie. All of this. I feel guilty for even wanting this.”
Charlie sighed, brushing a strand of her hair away from her face. “I know. I feel it too. But guilt isn’t going to help either of us right now. We need to be honest with ourselves about what’s happening, and we need to figure out how to move forward.”
Charlie’s thumb gently wiped away one of her tears, his touch comforting but careful.
Maddy closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, even though part of her knew they shouldn’t be this close. But in this moment, she needed the comfort, the reassurance that she wasn’t alone in this guilt. That they would find a way through it, together.
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aniesvision · 24 days ago
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𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔 𓆩𓆪
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𐂃 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝚏! 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 ♡︎
𝚊/𝚗: 𝒉𝒆𝒚𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓/𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒊 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 ♡︎ 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎
𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕'𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒖𝒑
-Hey, are you busy?
I turn my head around and see Matt adjusting the sleeves of his jacket. I smile, put my phone down, and lean on the couch to see him better.
-Not really, why?
I just got ready to go to a party with the three brothers, my costume being simple but classic: Daphne from Scooby Doo. Nick was going as Fred, so we were matching.
-Can you do my makeup? Like this. -He steps closer, showing me a picture of Robert Pattinson dressed as Batman.
-Uhh, I think so. -I say, standing from the couch. -I have a few makeup stuff in Nick's room, I'll get it.
-Word.
I climb upstairs and grab some makeup brushes and a pallet of shadows with a dark black tone that I could use. I meet Matt in his bathroom, him sitting on the toilet seat as I place the stuff on the counter.
-Ok, turn your head up for me. -I say, brushing his hair to the side.
I use one hand to keep his head still and the other to spread the black eyeshadow on his skin, marking the places I was supposed to fill with the color. We stayed silent for a bit, his eyes watching my every move as I focused on making it look nice, but feeling his face so close to mine and his pupils so concentrated on my figure makes me a bit nervous.
Matt and I are friends, considering I'm friends with his brothers, but ever since we met there was something about him that made me feel different. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's like he can see my soul and it scares me.
Nick used to say every time that his brother had an "obvious crush" on me, but since Matt never actually made a move I doubted it.
-Close your eyes. -I ask.
I use a smaller brush on his eyelids, careful not to put too much pressure. My hand holding him still moves to his jaw, my thumb on one of his cheeks and the rest of my fingers on the other. His face is perfectly shaped like it was drawn by the best artist in the world, his skin is soft and I can feel the scent of his pre-shave products mixing with his cologne.
I keep my face close to his, making sure the makeup is covering all the places it should. When I was done with his eyes I couldn't help but smile at the scene.
-Open.
I check both eyes to make sure they look similar and nod, changing the brush again to do the rest. He follows my movements with his eyes, curious, almost adorable, just like a puppy.
I take one more look at the reference picture, leaning closer again and concentrating on making the right shape. Matt's eyes drop to my lips, not being too discreet since I was facing him, but I decided to ignore it, there's not much for him to look at anyway.
Every time I turned my body a bit to collect more of the black shade he followed my hand with his eyes, then went back to staring at my mouth. He didn't say anything, and I couldn't read the intentions behind his gaze, maybe not knowing what he meant made my heart beat faster, but still, I wasn't sure what it was.
-I'm almost done. -I warn him.
He nods but doesn't look away. What is he thinking about? I take my hand off his face, stepping back and taking a look from a distance to see what else I could do and what was missing.
-You look pretty good in eyeshadow. -I say, leaning closer again to do the final touches.
-I don't use eyeshadow, I am the shadows. -He jokes, using a deeper voice at the end of the sentence.
I giggle, rolling my eyes with a smile and placing the brush back on the counter.
-Yeah, okay, Batman.
He chuckles as well, keeping his eyes on me as I close the pallet.
-Is it done? -He asks, standing up and making his way behind me to look at himself in the mirror.
-I think so, what do you think?
I turn around, facing him and studying his reaction. He moves his head around to look at the makeup, smiling.
-Awesome.
He looked down at me, scanning my face, my heart beating even faster just to know that I was basically trapped in between him and the counter, and maybe I was hallucinating but he looked like he was getting closer each second.
-Thanks. -He whispers, a small smirk on his lips.
Each of his hands rested on the counter on each side of my body, his eyes dropped to my lips once more and the warmth of his body seemed to be hugging me.
-Why are you looking at my lips? -I finally ask, in an act of courage, a small smile on my lips and my cheeks probably red as a tomato.
-No reason. -He shrugs.
His head tilts slightly to the side, one of his hands sneaking its way to my waist as if he were testing the waters. Our eyes met again, and there was nothing to say, the tension in our gaze was palpable and there was no need to keep prolonging it.
Matt's lips finally find mine in a soft and delicate kiss. Our mouths barely move at first, both of us still processing the action. It changes when I wrap my arms around his neck. He seemed to find the confidence he needed in my move, pressing his lips harder against mine and sliding in his tongue.
My hand tangles in his hair, pulling him closer. The kiss becomes heated, and his body presses against mine.
-What the fuck are you guys doing? -We hear, the voice coming from the hallway, making us immediately pull away.
We look to the side, Nick and Chris giving us confused looks.
Fair to say Nick was right and he didn't give us one second of peace after that.
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𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎
➪ @riowritesitall @mattsfavbigtitties @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @deers4luv @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @faithlia @katie-tibo @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @sharkcat1928 @phimstarz @h3arts4harry @s1ut4chris @star-yawnznn @asherrisrandom @pip4444chris @jupiter1700 @sturniolo-fann @beansprout713 @conspiracy-ash @sophsturns @sturnsxbitvh @ivysturnss @mattsbitchh
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thef1diary · 1 month ago
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Hands Full | O. Piastri
Kinktober 8/11 - Nipple Play
Summary: while you’re upset with him for forgetting about date night, Oscar can’t stop thinking about your boobs
warnings: 18+ smut, lil bit of angst at the beginning, nipple play, dry humping, tit fucking
wc: 4k
kinktober masterlist
© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work
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Standing over him with your hands on your hips, you narrow your eyes, trying to stay stern. “My eyes are up here, sweetheart,” you say, your voice laced with playful exasperation as you catch Oscar staring at the little V of your dress for the millionth time. With you standing so close, your chest is practically at his eye level, making it hard for him to resist sneaking a glance. His guilty grin only deepens as his gaze darts back up to your face, mischief dancing in his eyes.
“Sorry,” he says, though the apology is far from sincere. Before you can follow up with another scolding remark, he takes hold of your hips, his grip firm but coaxing, and pulls you down into his lap. His legs spread slightly to accommodate you as you settle against him, and you feel the warmth of his hands sliding up your sides.
“But honestly,” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble as one hand drifts to cup your breast, his thumb brushing teasingly over your nipple through your dress, “can you really blame me for getting a little distracted?”
His touch is bold now, fingers tracing the shape of your curves as he brings you closer. You feel the heat of his breath against your neck as he dips his head, pressing a slow kiss just below your collarbone.
“I mean,” he continues, his voice husky as his other hand slides up to join in, squeezing gently, “when you’re standing there looking like this, how am I supposed to focus on anything else?” He pulls back just enough to look up at you, the dark intensity in his eyes making your pulse quicken as his hands continue to explore, his touch igniting a trail of heat along your skin.
You pull back a little, placing your hands on his chest to create some distance, your gaze turning stern. “I would’ve loved this attention during dinner, Oscar,” you say, the sting of disappointment still fresh in your voice. “You completely forgot about our date night.”
Oscar’s playful expression falls away, replaced by a look of genuine regret as he meets your eyes. His hands rest on your waist, his grip tightening slightly as if to keep you close despite the distance your words have created. “I know,” he murmurs, his voice soft and full of remorse. “I messed up. I got caught up with things and lost track of time, but that’s not an excuse. I should’ve been there with you.”
His thumbs trace small circles against your hips, and he lets out a breath, his gaze never leaving yours. The sincerity in his tone, the way his hands hold you so gently, almost makes you forget why you were frustrated in the first place. Then, with a tenderness that melts the last of your resistance, he tilts his head up and brings his lips to yours, the kiss soft and hesitant at first, as if seeking your forgiveness.
The kiss deepens, slow and sweet, his mouth moving with a careful urgency, like he’s trying to make up for every lost minute. One of his hands slides up to cup your face, the touch warm and reassuring as he pulls you closer, his lips molding perfectly against yours. You can feel the unspoken apology in every caress, the quiet promise that he’d never leave you waiting again, and despite yourself, you find it impossible not to kiss him back, your frustration already slipping away with each tender caress.
You break the kiss, pulling back just enough to gauge his expression, the playful glint in his eyes rekindling some of your earlier mischief. “I dressed up for you, you know,” you say, a teasing lilt in your voice as you let your hands slide down his chest.
Oscar’s grin returns, wide and genuine. “Mm, and I want to appreciate that outfit properly,” he replies, his tone filled with playful intent.
“Is that so?” you respond, feigning indifference as a smile threatens to break free.
“Definitely,” he insists, his gaze already drinking you in. “Show me what I missed.”
With a lighthearted laugh, you shuffle off his lap, preparing to indulge him. You spin around in a little twirl, your dress flaring out around you as you complete the motion. You catch his eyes widening, a look of awe crossing his face as he takes in the sight of you.
When you turn back to him, you find him watching with an intensity that sends a thrill down your spine. “Wow,” he breathes, his appreciation evident in the way his eyes glisten. “You look incredible.”
You settle back onto his lap, a smirk dancing on your lips as you catch the lingering spark of admiration in his gaze. But as you sit down, his eyes drift again, falling to the peak of cleavage your dress revealed. You can’t help but roll your eyes, a teasing smile still lingering.
“Really, Oscar?” you chide, lifting an eyebrow. “Again?”
He feigns innocence, but the mischievous grin on his face tells a different story. “I can’t help it,” his voice drops to a playful murmur as his hands wander back to your hips, thumbs brushing against the soft fabric of your dress. “You look too good for me to resist.”
You try to keep your tone light, but the heat rising in your cheeks betrays you. “Focus, Osc, we were having a serious conversation, remember?”
“Serious conversation?” He chuckles softly, shaking his head, still unable to resist the allure of your figure. “You can’t just put these right in front of me like that and expect me to keep my composure.”
You take a hold of his hands, guiding it firmly to your chest, a teasing smile on your face. “Better now? You get to see and touch,” you said, your voice playful yet sultry.
Oscar’s fingers envelop your breasts, your soft curves nearly spilling over his palms as he savors the freedom to explore. “Much,” he breathes, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, his eyes dark with desire as they lock onto yours.
His hands knead your boobs over the fabric, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh, squeezing just enough to make your breath catch. The thin material of your dress offers little barrier, letting you feel the heat of his touch seeping through, sending a shiver down your spine. His thumb flicks over one nipple, the pressure light but teasing, drawing a quiet gasp from your lips.
He leans in closer, his lips brushing against the curve of your neck as his hands continue to explore, tracing the line of your cleavage with an appreciative hum. “God, you’re perfect,” he murmurs, his voice low and reverent, his breath hot against your skin. He shifts his grip slightly, cupping your tits more fully, his palms pressing them together in a way that makes you arch instinctively toward him, your body responding eagerly to his touch.
The pads of his thumbs work slow circles over your nipples, the teasing rhythm making your pulse quicken, and you can feel a smirk forming against your neck as he hears the way your breathing changes. “Feels good, doesn’t it?” he whispers, his voice dripping with playful satisfaction as he watches your reaction.
You reach up slowly, your eyes locked on his, and pull the neckline of your dress lower. “Please,” you mumble, asking for more, anything to soothe the sudden ache in your tits that only he could relive.
The fabric gives way with a soft rustle, sliding down until your tits spill out, exposed to the cool air and his heated gaze. Oscar’s breath catches, and you watch as his eyes darken with unmistakable hunger, his gaze drinking in the sight of your bare skin.
Then, his lips part slightly, and he exhales a shaky breath, the need evident in his expression. “Fuck,” he murmurs, almost reverently, his voice hoarse as his eyes flicker up to meet yours again. It’s as if he’s barely keeping himself together, the sight of you so close and so exposed making him practically salivate.
Without a moment’s hesitation, his hands return to your chest, this time with a bolder touch, his fingers sinking into your flesh as he cups your boobs. The warmth of his palms contrasts deliciously with the cool air, and he gives a soft groan as he squeezes gently, like he’s savoring every inch of you. His thumbs brush over your nipples with a firmer pressure, his touch more confident now that there’s nothing between him and your skin.
Oscar leans in closer, his breath hot against your collarbone as he presses his lips there, planting open-mouthed kisses that make your skin tingle. His tongue flicks out, tracing a line across your chest before he pulls back to look at you, his eyes glinting with desire.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he rasps, his voice thick with need as his hands continue to explore, making your pulse race with every slow, deliberate caress.
As his mouth closes around your nipple, his tongue swirling in slow, teasing circles, a surge of pleasure rushes through you, instinctively making you grind down against him as his name leaves your lips.
The heat of his mouth and the way his lips tug gently at your sensitive skin send shivers coursing through your body. Your hips press harder into him, the friction between your bodies creating an aching need that spreads like wildfire.
Oscar’s grip on your waist tightens as he senses the way your body responds, his low, appreciative groan vibrating against your chest. He switches to your other breast, wrapping his lips around the peak, his teeth grazing just enough to make you gasp. Your head falls back, a quiet moan escaping as your hips roll instinctively, pressing down against him, your body seeking more of the friction that ignites a slow-burning heat within.
The rhythm of your movements grows more urgent, driven by the waves of sensation he’s drawing from your nipples. Each flick of his tongue sends sparks shooting through your core, and you move instinctively, grinding down harder, your body chasing the pleasure he’s giving you.
He hums against your skin, the vibration making you shiver as he pulls you closer, savoring the way your body responds to him. His free hand slides up your back, fingers curling around your nape, guiding you even closer as he switches to the other boob, lavishing the same attention there, his teeth grazing lightly before soothing with his tongue.
“Just like that,” he murmurs between breaths, his voice rough with need as he looks up at you, his gaze darkened with a hunger that matches your own. “You’re so beautiful like this.” His words are a low rasp that only fuels the fire building between you, urging you to move even closer, pressing yourself against him as his hands and mouth continue to explore, drawing out every ounce of desire.
Oscar’s tongue swirls around your nipple with a slow, deliberate tease, sending tingling waves of pleasure through your chest and down to your core. Each flick feels like it draws you deeper into a heady fog, and when his teeth scrape gently against the sensitive peak, a breathless moan escapes your lips. You press down harder against him, your thighs squeezing his sides as you rock against the steady firmness of his body, seeking more of the friction that seems to set you ablaze.
He switches again, his lips finding your other breast, sucking the soft skin into his mouth while his hand cups the neglected side, his thumb rolling over your nipple with just the right amount of pressure. The rhythm of his tongue and fingers works together to unravel you, each caress intensifying the needy ache coursing through your body.
“Oscar…” you breathe out, your voice trembling with every surge of pleasure that rolls through you. The way his name falls from your lips seems to spur him on, his groan vibrating against your skin, his mouth working more eagerly as he shifts the weight of his body beneath you. His hands roam over your back and waist, one sliding down to grip your hip and guide your movements, making sure you keep grinding down on him, right where you can feel the weight of his cock pressing back against you.
The friction between your bodies builds into something overwhelming, a sweet, torturous tension that spirals tighter with every brush of his tongue, every squeeze of his hand. His lips tug at your nipple, then soothe it with his tongue, alternating between rough and tender until you’re writhing, your nails digging into his shoulders as you struggle to hold on to any semblance of control.
But you can’t. The sensations are too much, too intense. Each touch feels like it’s driving you closer to the edge, and the more he devours you with his mouth, the more you can feel yourself unraveling.
“Please…” you gasp, not even sure what you’re pleading for, only that you need more, need him to push you over that final precipice. He seems to sense it, his grip tightening as he pulls you down against him in time with the deepening suck of his mouth on your breast, the rhythm perfect and merciless.
Then, as if he knows exactly how to drive you wild, his teeth graze the swollen peak again, just enough to send a shock of pleasure straight through you, and it’s like something inside you snaps. The heat coils tight and bursts, your body arching into him as a cry escapes your lips, your hips grinding down harder as the wave of release crashes over you.
Oscar’s mouth doesn’t let up. He keeps lavishing your tits with attention, as if coaxing out every last bit of your pleasure, his tongue swirling, his lips tugging gently as you tremble above him. He holds you close, savoring the way you shudder in his arms, his soft groan echoing your own sounds of bliss, letting you ride out every pulse and wave until you’re left breathless and spent against him.
When the aftershocks finally start to subside, he presses one last lingering kiss to your nipples before looking up at you, his eyes still dark and full of desire, as if he’s not nearly finished yet. “You’re stunning,” he murmurs, his voice a husky whisper that sends another shiver down your spine. His fingers trail up your sides, drawing you back into his embrace as his lips find yours.
Your lips part as Oscar kisses you, his mouth hot and insistent against yours. The taste of him is intoxicating, making your senses swirl as his tongue brushes against yours with a hunger that matches the intensity of your kiss. You let yourself sink into the moment, your body still buzzing from the pleasure he just drew from you.
As you shift slightly to press closer to him, your hips move instinctively, rolling down against his lap. The hard, unmistakable pressure beneath you sends a jolt through your body, your breath catching in your throat. You hadn’t realized he was still so hard, the weight and heat of him pressing right against your cunt, even through the layers of clothing that separate you.
A soft, surprised moan escapes you, and your hips give another involuntary grind, the friction sending a delicious shock of sensation rippling through your already sensitive body. Oscar’s grip on your waist tightens, his fingers digging into your skin as his breathing grows heavier, his lips parting against yours in a low, guttural groan.
“Fuck…” he mutters, his voice strained, the need in it unmistakable. His gaze meets yours, the desire in his dark eyes making your pulse quicken all over again. The way he looks at you, like he’s barely holding himself back, only intensifies the throbbing ache that starts to build between your thighs once more.
You can feel the firmness of his cock against you, and it’s almost impossible to resist the urge to move again, to feel that delicious friction that had nearly made you come undone. As you shift experimentally, you watch his reaction, his jaw tightening as his eyes flutter shut for a moment. When they open again, there’s a hunger in his gaze that sends a shiver down your spine.
“Still so worked up, huh?” you tease, a faint, breathless laugh escaping you. It’s meant to sound confident, but the way your voice trembles betrays how affected you are by the realization that you can feel him, hard and needy, beneath you.
You press one more lingering kiss to his lips before sliding off his lap. Oscar’s brows furrow with a mix of surprise and curiosity, his eyes following your every move. As you sink down onto the floor, you reach behind and unfasten your dress, letting the fabric slide down your body and pool at your knees before you shuffle it off completely. Now, you’re left in nothing but your underwear, kneeling between his parted legs.
The air feels cooler against your bare skin, and you can sense Oscar’s gaze raking over you, the hunger in his expression deepening as he takes in the sight of you on your knees before him. You place your hands on his thighs, your fingers curling into the firm muscle as you lean in closer, your eyes flicking up to meet his. There’s a flush on his cheeks, and the way his chest rises and falls tells you that he’s just as affected as you are.
Slowly, you run your hands up his thighs, feeling the tension in his body, the way he practically vibrates with need. You inch closer, your touch light and teasing, as you slip your fingers to the waistband of his pants, hooking them beneath the fabric. His breath catches when your hands brush against the outline of his erection, hard and straining beneath the fabric.
“Osc,” you murmur, your voice low and full of want as you look up at him through your lashes, “I want to take care of you, too.” The way you say it is almost a plea, the desire evident in every syllable, and the way his eyes darken in response sends a thrill through you.
You slide your hands off his thighs, feeling the tension in his muscles, and look up at him with a teasing smile. “I want you to use me.” Your fingers trail up to your chest, and you press your boobs together, giving him a clear invitation. You open your mouth, letting your spit drool down to your cleavage, slicking it up. “Fuck my tits, Oscar, I want to feel you there.”
His breath hitches, and for a moment, he seems frozen, the weight of your words hanging in the air. Then, as if a dam has broken, he moves quickly, his hands fumbling to undo his belt and push his pants down enough to free his cock. You can see how hard he is, the sight making your pulse quicken with anticipation.
Oscar shifts closer, positioning himself between your breasts, his heated gaze locked onto yours. You squeeze your tits around him, enveloping his cock in your soft flesh. His low groan reverberates in the quiet room as he starts to move, the tip of his cock brushing against your skin with each thrust, your saliva and his precum allowing him to move easily.
The feeling of him sliding between your boobs, hot and hard, sends a rush of heat through you. You look up at him, your hands pressing your chest tighter around his length, encouraging him to move faster, deeper. “Just like that,” you whisper, your voice breathy with arousal. “Don’t hold back.”
Oscar’s hands find their way to your shoulders for balance as he picks up the pace, his hips rolling forward with increasing urgency. His cock slips between your breasts in a steady rhythm, each thrust driving him closer to the edge. His eyes are locked on you, his jaw clenched with the effort to keep from losing control too soon.
The sight of him above you, his expression twisted in raw desire, makes your own body respond in kind. You can feel the heat building in your core, your own arousal growing as you watch him edge closer to coming undone.
You look up at him, your voice breathless and filled with need as you speak. “Oscar, love, I want you to cum on my tits,” you urge, your words coming out as a low, desperate plea. You squeeze your boobs tighter around him, watching his expression falter as his thrusts become more erratic, each one pushing him closer to the brink.
His grip on your shoulders tightens, his breaths coming out in ragged gasps. “Fuck,” he groans, his eyes half-lidded as he watches himself slide between your tits, the sight clearly driving him wild. You keep urging him on, your tone soft and coaxing, “I want to see it… feel it. Let go for me, Osc.”
Your words are the final push he needs. His hips snap forward one last time, his whole body tensing as a deep, guttural moan rips from his throat. You stick your tongue out and he watches you intently, the sight of you waiting to taste him pushing him over the edge. The first hot spurt lands on your tongue, and you keep it out, eager for more as he continues to release, each pulse of his climax painting across your chest and lips. The warmth of it makes your skin tingle, and you close your eyes for a moment, savoring the feel of his pleasure marking you.
When you open your eyes again, his gaze is locked on yours, a mix of satisfaction and lingering desire in his expression. He’s breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling as he comes down from the high, and the sight of you covered in his release seems to mesmerize him.
Without hesitation, you lick your lips, swallowing what landed on your tongue, the act making his breath hitch. There’s a flicker of something primal in his eyes as he takes in the sight of you—glowing, breathless, and unashamed. It’s as if seeing you like this has only deepened the hunger in him, the intensity in his gaze making your pulse race all over again.
As he sees your tits covered in his cum, an idea sparks in his mind, something too filthy for him to resist. His breath hitches, and a mischievous grin spreads across his face as he leans closer, his eyes dark with desire. “Would you consider getting ‘em pierced?” he asks, his voice low and teasing.
The question hangs in the air between you, and his imagination runs wild. He envisions how the nipple jewelry would look glistening with his release, each glimmering piece a reminder of this moment, of the way he worships your body. The thought makes his heart race—fuck, he’d be even more obsessed with your tits than he already is.
You meet his gaze, your own pulse quickening at the idea, the playfulness of it only adding to the heat in the air. There’s something intoxicating about his suggestion, and you can’t help but smile at the depths of his desire for you.
He pulls you back into his lap, the warmth of his body enveloping you as he settles you against him. His fingers brush over your skin, and you shiver as he spreads the remnants of his release across your tits, savoring the slick warmth as he traces his fingers along your curves.
He leans in closer, his lips brushing against your neck as he whispers, “Just imagine how fucking beautiful you’d look with those piercings… dripping with my cum.” The idea sends another thrill through you, and you find yourself nodding, lost in the depths of his gaze, caught between the thrill of his words and the intoxicating pleasure of the moment.
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saerins · 6 months ago
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ᯓ ᝰ RIGHT HERE .ᐟ — touya todoroki
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touya x female reader. content tags modern au, childhood sweetheart!touya, both are working adults, making out, mentions of infidelity/murder, he’s a tease. word count 1.7k
ᯓ notes .ᐟ haha can you tell i love touya too much rn ? just getting back into writing so have some of my touya :) thanks to any of you who read this <3
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“touya, you’re gonna make me late for work tomorrow,” you whine, pouting as he wins you in yet another round of super smash bros. (and hence you’d have to stay up and continue playing at his behest.)
beside you, touya smirks, rows of pearly white visible while he clearly enjoys tormenting you. “weren’t you the one who said you needed a distraction?”
you grumble as you take the couch pillow and hold it over your face, groaning in frustration. touya’s right; you’d called him right after dinner, practically forced him to come after you figured out that you’re actually not as strong you thought and you’re actually still really upset that your ex cheated on you.
it’s only pathetic because it’s already been a couple of months and you’re still wallowing over it somehow.
“you know, i bet all that frustration will go away if you just let me kill that fucker,” touya tells you, flicking your forehead as leans forward, yanking the cushion off your face.
unamused, you deadpan at him. “yeah? then what am i gonna do when you’re in jail, huh?”
touya snickers, “aww, what? can’t handle being without me?”
in a strange way, your honest answer is definitely not. you’ve known touya forever. ever since you were five and your families connected at a preschool event. ever since your friend fuyumi introduced you to her brother. ever since touya confided in you how much he hated his father.
fast forward more than a decade later and you’re both sitting in your apartment, in a different state than either of your families, still as close as you were when you were kids.
you glare at touya, rolling your eyes before scrunching your nose and smirking at him. “actually, go ahead, i’ll go find myself a better guy while you rot in the cell.”
your best friend scoffs, cocking a brow and looking like he’s offended. “i off someone for you and you don’t marry me immediately? the fuck is wrong with you?”
the shit-eating grin that dawns on his face immediately after makes your heart skip a beat. yeah, you’ve always found him attractive, maybe even had a crush on him back in high school, but he’d always had girls after girls, and somewhere along the way you learned to stuff those flimsy emotions back down.
until you remember that he’s been single for a while now, and the fact that you’re both working adults with all the freedom in the world.
fuck, you really shouldn’t go back there.
“haha, funny,” you try to wave it off sarcastically. “says the one who told his ex that he just sees me as a little sister.”
he laughs, leaning back against the couch, a hand behind his head, abs sticking out from the edge of his shirt. it takes you a second to rein yourself in, not wanting to get teased relentlessly by him if you get caught staring.
“hey, she was getting jealous of me spending so much time with you! what was i supposed to say?”
yes, you’re aware. most of them were. most of the time you never told touya about any of that; of how his girlfriends were coming up to you, all insecure about your friendship and asking if you could back off. that was the most common thing among all his relationships: the girls’ pleas for you to keep a distance.
you did… the first few times.
and after his fifth relationship, you realised that touya would always pull you back close. would always end up breaking up with them if your friendship is causing them too much worry.
“you didn’t have to say anything, maybe you should’ve just kept your distance, you know? since most of them seemed to have a problem with it,” you comment, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, though even you don’t believe yourself.
a life without touya is unimaginable for you. even if you can’t really say the same for him.
touya sighs, shifting in his position before ultimately putting an arm around you, pulling you close. he smells like your soap and his hair against your face tickles.
he’s always like this; always touchy, always close. recently he’s been more than usual, coming over and sleeping the night (you never did anything physical!), chasing other guys away at the club because they’re not good enough for you.
and when he’s like that, you think maybe there’s no harm in letting those long-lost feelings flow back.
it’s dangerous.
he’s always like this. always way too much for you to handle. and yet you can’t live without him.
and then he does something he’s never done before.
you feel his lips on your temple, and you hear the chuckle reverberating from his throat. his left arm around you holds you tight, not that you’re running anywhere—you’re pretty sure you’re frozen stiff from the shock.
did that really happen?
“how can i do that when you’re the only one i want?”
you’re sure that’s his voice. it can’t be anyone else’s. but you’re not sure if you believe him. is he really saying what you think he’s saying?
slowly, you turn to face him, expecting him to wear that smug grin and tease you for being so gullible but it never comes. instead, you’re greeted with his half-lidded eyes, blue pupils staring at your lips like he’s hypnotised, his thumb caressing your lower lip from left to right like he’s trying to memorise all the grooves.
it’s so soft that you barely recognise your own voice when it comes, “touya, kiss me.”
and maybe he’s always wanted to, because he doesn’t miss a beat. the second you open your mouth, he’s giving you what you asked for, his tongue prying your lips open and he tastes just like the warm in winter mornings, like the comfort people always dream about.
mint. you can taste the sweet from when he ate it right before he beat you in the game. you can feel the cold on the tip of your nose from when you brush against the piercings on his nostrils. you can feel him carry you onto his lap, feel his hands wrapping around your waist. you can feel his heartbeat under his chest, under your palm, almost as erratic as your own.
were you really just upset over someone else?
every relationship you’d been sad over suddenly didn’t seem to make sense anymore. not when touya’s right here, lips locked with yours and telling you more with his kiss than you’ve ever heard from his words.
by the time you pull away, both of you are breathless, his hand on your cheek, lips softly brushing over your own like he can’t bear to be away even for just a second. you can’t bring yourself to open your eyes, half overwhelmed and half confused.
“fuck, did we really just—”
“shh,” you hush him, putting a finger on his lips, suddenly embarrassed. your foreheads are still pressed together, and you can’t see it but he’s admiring your face, holding himself back from just kissing you even more.
touya moves your finger away. he whispers your name in the most gentle tone you’ve ever heard, “does that mean you feel the same?”
you swallow the lump in your throat, tongue-tied and still straddling your best friend on the couch. you’re just a single impulsive action away from going all the way.
dangerous.
pulling back even further, you’re about to make a break for your bedroom when touya pulls you back, making sure you face him.
“no running this time,” he tells you, voice raspy and his eyes flicking from your eyes to your nose and your lips but mostly your lips. “i want you,” he whispers, and the minute you lock gazes, the answer has never been more clear to you.
“i want you too, touya,” you answer, both excited and afraid but he never lets you harp on things too much because he’s already kissing you silly, barely letting you breathe—you don’t have to guess with him; he wants you so desperately you can feel it in his actions.
“touya, we should stop,” you whine, knowing that this might be going way too quick yet you want it all the same.
touya shakes his head, big hands slipping under your shirt and squeezing your waist. “no, don’t wanna stop,” he whispers into your mouth.
he’s about to pull your shirt over your head when the loud shrill of his phone interrupts. he would’ve tossed it to the side if you hadn’t taken it and insisted he should take it. it’s from shoto, after all. (he doesn’t call often, it’s a complicated relationship.)
grumbling, touya leans back, keeping your thighs in place so you can’t move away. he’s smirking at you as he answers, “shoto, what is it?”
you can’t hear his brother over the phone. you can only guess snippets of the conversation from touya’s end.
“huh.”
“what for?”
“you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
“yeah, yeah, whatever.”
when he finally puts it down, he pulls you close by the chin, a glint of mischief in his grin. “get ready, doll.”
“huh? for what?”
touya gives you a peck on the lips. “family’s visiting, a surprise or whatever. they’re already in the city.”
you blink, praying he’s not being serious and wishing it’s not what you’re thinking. “okay, have fun!”
“and where do you think you’re going?” touya laughs, pulling you back down after you barely got back up.
“go spend some time with them, it’ll be fun.”
“oh i’m sure it’ll be fun,” he smirks, typing something into his phone and sending the message before you can sneak a peek.
you’re almost too scared to ask. but you do. “and why’s that?”
touya chuckles, thinking you’re way too stubborn, playing dumb even if it’ll kill you. but he guesses it’s fine if he has to spell it out for you. “because i wanna re-introduce you.”
“wait, what do you mean?”
with a gentle smile and a poke on your forehead, he looks you in the eyes. “i’m gonna introduce them to my future wife.”
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mountainsandmayhem · 1 month ago
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BDSMaid - Chapter 5 Part Two
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Series Summary: After recently graduating you take what is supposed to be a job to save money before you go back to university to get your law degree. Your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. Easy. Simple. Mundane. Until one of your clients is home and everything you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love.
Chapter Summary: You and Joel go to a Shibari class together; an innocent date, or is it?
TW: age gap (Joel 45/reader 22), reader does have some descriptors so more of an OC. Reader has longer hair and Joel can lift her. Mutual pining, kissing. Spoiler triggers below the cut in red.
WC: 8.2k
AN: Ok fiiiiiinnnneeeeee I couldn't wait any longer and I left you all on kind of a cliffhanger. As always, thank you to my lovely @lotusbxtch for reading and encouraging and helping me grow. Thanks @mermaidgirl30 , @littlevenicebitch69 and @joelmillerisapunk for being my lil cheerleaders. @for-a-longlongtime thanks for stoping me from working on that bull rider series LOL. Ok, enjoy this slowly because I haven't even STARTED chapter 6 yet, so I doubt it will be out until late October. Dividers and banners by the oh so talented @saradika-graphics
Masterlist || Series Masterlist
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TW: complete sensory deprivation (tied down, blind folded and has hearing blocked), multiple orgasms, denial
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Joel
Joel has tried to keep his distance since referring to tonight as a date. He left another large tip for your clean this week and then made sure he was as busy as possible to stop himself from going home to see you. As he coaxed you into drinking the orange juice and the water he kept hearing “it’s a date” over and over again in his mind, and he’d cringe internally. He wouldn’t have blamed you if you had leaped out of that bed and ran home. The thought of you wanting him in that way is ridiculous. Not only because he’s over twice your age, but you came to him for help with building self confidence and for an escape, and then he went and said something so fucking stupid. 
He shakes his head and pulls up his emails, trying to distract himself for what feels like the one hundredth time. Of course he wants to date you, he’d be crazy not to, but he can’t blur those lines. Furthermore, even if there was the slightest chance that you felt the same way he can’t risk breaking your heart the way he’s broken so many others.
She’s going to break yours, old man. Not the other way around.
Wednesday has been absolutely crawling. Time almost mocking him with how slow it’s ticking by. As he goes over the list of tonight's guests, Tess knocks on his small office door at the club.
“Hey,” she says, plopping down in the arm chair across from the desk. “You coming tonight?”
“Of course. Looks like a good turn out. Did the instructor make it in ok?”
“Cap picked her up from the airport yesterday and got her all settled at the hotel. Do you think you’re going to need me tonight?”
Joel cocks an eyebrow at her. He’s known Tess since she was ten. Her and Tommy are the same age, Joel being two years their senior. Aside from a few months when Tess and Tommy were sixteen, the three of them have been inseparable ever since. Tess was usually the undeclared leader of the group due to her bossy nature, but she kept the Miller brothers out of trouble most of the time. 
“What’s wrong, Tess?”
“Nothin’,” she crosses her arms across her chest. “I am the planner, you and Tommy are the personality. I’m fine to stay behind the scenes for this one.”
“You’ve been acting strange since the poker night.”
She rolls her eyes at him. She’s probably the only person ballsy enough to do that to Joel besides Tommy, but Joel’s almost convinced his little brother is more dumb than ballsy. “I’m fine, Joel. The staff is all in good morale, and that’s my department. Remember?”
Joel just stares as she continues, lowering her voice to mock his. “I need you to be the people person. Hire them, train them. I’m not patient enough because I’m a big scary dom who will just want to spank them for not listening. I also can’t plan anything because I have a man brain.”
“Hilarious,” Joel deadpans as Tess laughs at her own jokes. “I’m being serious though, are you sure you're ok?”
“Yes, you don’t need to be concerned about me. I’m actually a little gutted I’m gonna miss it. Tommy told me there’s been a very pretty young lady hanging around you lately.”
Joel puts his reading glasses on with one hand and pointing to his door with the other. “Out.”
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You
Joel referring to tonight as a date has been on loop for the last few days. He has this amazing way of shutting off your brain and then leaving you with so many new questions. Either way, when a few more college letters came over the last few days you convinced yourself that right before leaving for the shibari-demonstration-slash-date was the best time to open them. 
Odette and Jamie sit on the couch across from you as you slide open the first letter. The thick eggshell parchment stamped with the Yale logo pops open easily. You close your eyes as you open the paper, the only sound in the room is the thundering of your heart behind your ribs. 
You peel your eyes open and read out loud. “We regret to inform you that you have not…” your voice falls off, fingers shaking as you put it back in the envelope.
“Hey, we expected a few no’s,” Jamie says gently, always the optimist.
Odette takes the other approach, “Their fucking loss, bunch of stuffy old cunts! Next!”
You laugh at the juxtaposition of your friends' responses and reach for the Harvard letter. “We regret to inform you…”
“Keep going babe,” Jamie says softly.
You pick up the bright white Columbia letter. “We regret to inform you…fuck.” You feel the defeat start to creep in, like thick morning fog. It’s suffocating, choking all the happiness and excitement you had for tonight. 
“What the fuck is wrong with these schools!” Odette says, snatching the letters up so she can check for herself. “Do the Toronto one, Canadians are supposed to be nice.”
“I can’t open anymore,” you say as your head falls back into the sofa. The fog starts to spread through your body, shutting you down inch by inch. You know you have to open the rest. You’ll spend the rest of the night wondering what they say if you don’t finish them. “You do it, Jamie.”
She shuffles in her seat uncomfortably. She’s not the kind of girl who likes to disappoint others; she's bright and happy but at this moment she’s the only person that you can take bad news from. As if she can read your thoughts, she grabs the University of Toronto letter. The sound of the envelope popping open slices through you. She clears her throat as she opens the paper and then reads aloud the same sentence you did. The letters from Duke and Notre Dame follow the same painful routine. With each rejection your stomach swirls, nausea building on top of self doubt and anxiety. 
Six out of the eight universities you applied to have turned you down; Berkeley and the University of Austin are your only chances left at reaching your dreams. The silence in the small rental unit has you on edge, so much so that when your phone vibrates beside you you jump. A sunset beach photo from your last trip to California is the background from a text from Cap telling you he’ll be at your doorstep in about twenty minutes. 
“I gotta finish getting ready,” you say, dragging yourself to the bathroom to touch up any makeup and brush your teeth.
“Babe?” Jamie says, following you down the hall. “You wanna stay here instead of going to that mixer?”
The reminder of the lie sends a new wave of nausea through you. Tonight you became a law school reject and an even bigger liar. Don’t forget that you’re also falling in love with an unattainable man, says the glittery pink box. You mentally lift a single finger in its direction, it usually doesn’t turn on you like that. 
“I need the distraction.” You say, deciding that that’s not really a lie.
Your friends look at you with sadness in their eyes and even though you’re sad too, you wish you could tell them about Mister Miller and the club. You know they’d be excited about whatever this thing is and it would really help to have someone to decipher all the moments that live in your mind.
“It’s a date”.
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When you walk through the large door from the lobby and into the club, you’re welcomed by a completely different atmosphere. It’s not all dim lights and sexy music like it normally is; instead the overhead lights are on and all the people are dressed in regular clothing or athletic wear and not the sexy outfits they’d normally pick to come here. Joel is no exception, dressed in dark wash jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. You catch the glint of his gold ring while he’s engrossed in deep conversation with a blue and purple haired woman along the edge of the dance floor. As if you’re his due north or the other side of his magnet, after just seconds of being in the same room as him, his eyes collide with yours. He mouths an ‘excuse me’ at the woman without looking away from and his long legs eat up the distance between the two of you. He meets you just before the bar and immediately wraps his arms around you, one hand coming to the nape of your neck, silently guiding your forehead to his strong chest.
“What’s wrong, sweet girl?” You love how easily he can read you, but you hate that this is the second time this week that he’s seeing you like this. You know you have moments of weakness, but you don’t let anyone see that and you DEFINITELY don’t inconvenience others with your weakness. 
“Hasn’t been my best day, but I really don’t want to talk about it.” You don’t want to dump all of this on him now, not when he looked so excited when you said you’d attend tonight. 
“Ok, I’m here for you if you want to talk about it though. You don’t have to deal with this on your own.” His lips come to the crown of your head and you breathe him in letting his ash and leather scent break down your walls. 
“I didn’t get in,” you mumble and he holds you tighter for a brief second before his hand moves to your chin and tilts up to meet your gaze.
“All of them?” he asks gently but something akin to anger flares in eyes for just a second. 
“Six of them. I haven’t heard from two.” His thumb feels like heaven as it runs along your jaw.
From across the club the blue and purple haired woman, who is now on the stage, claps her hands. “Good evening, everyone! I’m Starr. If you and your brave partners could start making your way to the floor, we can get started right away!”
“Do you want to leave?” Joel says, his warm coffee and chocolate eyes dancing around yours. No one looks at you like that; no one ever asks what you want. This is one of those looks that you wish you could talk to your friends about.
“No,” you say truthfully. “I want to be here with you.”
“I wasn’t going to let you leave without me. Do you want to go somewhere else together?”
You step back and grab his hand, his fingers thread through yours as if you do this everyday, as if this is normal, and you pull him towards the floor. He stands behind you, an arm wrapped protectively around your middle, similar to how he did the first time you went through the voyeur room. Starr introduces herself and her wife and then begins explaining rope safety and terminology like rigger and rope bunny, before launching into a step by step on tying a beautiful star harness across her wifes clothed chest. The two women hand ropes to the person who will be doing the rigging and as the rope lands in Joel’s hand your pussy flutters at the realization that you’re about to become Mister Miller’s rope bunny. You knew that coming here tonight, even if it did include lying to your friends, would help you feel better. The disappointment of being rejected is slowly replaced with an excited anticipation of learning something new with a man who has done nothing but choose you since laid your eyes on each other.
Starr projects step by step instructions up on the back wall of the stage and Joel clears his throat behind you as he begins. The sound of the rope running through his hands as he folds it in half sends a shiver up your spine. You try to distract yourself by clipping your hair up and out of the way. 
“Arms up,” he rasps, and places a light kiss on the soft curve of your neck as he wraps the rope around your ribcage, just below your breasts. You purposely wore a tight t-shirt and leggings tonight. If anyone asks, you’ll say you just assumed it would be easier to be in something form fitting rather than loose, but the truth is that you did some research on Shibari classes and it was recommended to wear clothing that was tight to the body. As he walks around you to make the first diagonal cross of your chest he says, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
You lock your eyes with his as he loops back up, crossing the rope over your other shoulder and walks behind you. “Yes, at least not yet.” 
“Alright,” he says softly, pulling the rope back through the first band he made. “What do you want to talk about then?”
Your daughter. Your wife. The guitars and books of lyrics. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you like me or do you like like me? How do you feel about an age gap romance? Your brain races with a million things you could ask, and maybe would ask on a date. However, this is anything but a date, right? A dom and sub don’t date, there are strict rules. He tells you what to do, you do it. You don’t date.
The silence between you two feels like it’s lasted forever, you flinch as you ask the first thing you can think of. “How old are you?”
“Almost forty five. It says that on my profile, sweet girl. For someone who likes research…” His voice trails off. Is he flirting?
“I refuse to look at it in case you try to pawn me off to Tommy again,” you tease. You bite your cheek to hold in all the questions you want to ask as he chuckles behind you. You lift your arms as per the next slide and he brings the rope up towards your armpit as you settle on a neutral topic. “Baseball,” you say flatly.
Joel laughs silently as he walks around your body, the rope coming across to your other armpit and he’s behind you again. “Baseball?”
“Ya, it’s America’s favourite pastime.” Joel's fingers feel warm through the fabric of your shirt as he continues to work the ropes. 
“Ok, so what do you want to discuss about baseball?” He wanders in front of you again, following the instructions perfectly.
You shrug a little, lifting your arms again as you follow along with the slides. “Did you ever play?”
Starr circles around the two of you, “Great job, Joel. You ok, honey? Not too tight anywhere?”
You shake your head no and then you and Joel get lost in each other again. “Yes, I played for most of my childhood. I was pretty good too.”
You chuckle, “Why am I not surprised.”
“What?” he says, half laughing.
“Seems like Joel Miller is good at everything,” you say lightly, almost in admiration. He’s behind you again, feeding the ropes through themselves. The back looks beautifully intricate, and you can see other couples getting frustrated before either Starr or her wife comes and helps them. You continue, “Let me guess, you were like a big all-star pitcher or something?”
“No,” he answers.
“What position did you play then?” You glance down at your chest at the star shape across your chest, the rope scrapes gently on the exposed skin of your neck with the movement. It’s stunning, exactly as the demonstration and the picture. Yep, Joel Miller is good at everything. 
A new voice joins your conversation, “Best first baseman the school has ever seen.”
You crane your neck over your right shoulder towards the source; Tommy. You clench your molars when you see him with Jade; the beautiful icy blonde woman that Joel had tied to his desk the first time you met him. Joel shifts uncomfortably as she flutters her lashes at him. “As I was saying,” Joel huffs in his brother's direction before turning his attention back to you. “I played first base and Tommy was the back catcher. Our mom pretty much put us in any sport she could afford to keep us out of trouble.” 
“That’s kind of fascinating,” you say, looking back towards the stage and trying to get back into the safe little bubble you and Joel have created. 
“I dunno about that, sweet girl.”
The combination of him using that nickname and the feeling of his fingers on your body cause another shiver to roll up your spine, and suddenly it’s just the two of you again. It’s so easy to get lost with Joel, every ounce of that fog from earlier has dissipated. He’s like the warm morning sun, chasing away all the thick haze that coated you in the darkness. “I think this is a safe nickname space only, Sweet Cheeks.”
He swats your bum gently eliciting a giggle to pass your lips before getting back to weaving the rope in and out along your spine. “Careful. Now why is it kind of fascinating?”
“I mean, Tommy played at home plate, you played at first base.”
“I don’t know where you’re going here, Freckles.”
You smile over your shoulder at Joel. “Well, don’t you see the connection? You don’t have sex with your subs, Tommy does. He goes to home plate, you stay at first base.”
Joel arches an eyebrow at you as you flash him a cheeky smile and then he lets out a laugh. A real laugh that sounds like it’s coming straight from his stomach. His big beautiful smile draws up his cheeks causing the skin around his eyes to crinkle. The sound is almost enough to make you weak at the knees. “I swear to god, Freckles, I love the way your brain works.”
The rest of the group finishes off their harnesses and Starr begins the next part, explaining now how to tie the arms around the biceps and secure them to the harness. They hand out the ropes again and you reach behind yourself to criss cross your arms and grasp your opposite elbows. Just as Joel begins folding the rope over in his hands, Jade speaks.
“She sort of hit the nail on the head with that one, Mister Miller.” Envy flares in your eyes as she steps towards Joel, leaning into him. “I can’t wait for tomorrow. I’ve missed you.”
You glance towards Joel, expecting to see him looking angry but his soft eyes meet you with guilt written all over his face. You watch his throat as he swallows hard and the happy, sparkly bubble you built bursts and the fog returns. Your heart drops to your feet, it was too good to be true, you knew it was too good to be true and he almost had you fooled. You don’t think, you just act, you need to get away from this space and all these people as bile rises in your throat.
Your feet feel heavy as you walk quickly toward the voyeur room, slipping past the closed sign that's propped up outside the curtain that conceals it. Darkness surrounds you, the rope harness feels like it’s smothering you as you try to take deep calming breaths. A flash of light from the otherside of the curtain fills the room as someone follows.
“Go away, Joel.” You say quietly, trying to force air past the lump growing in your throat. 
“It’s Tommy.” He says, flicking on a dim light and noting the way you’re pulling at the rope closest to your throat. “Let me untie you so you don’t hurt yourself.”
You step back, a wall slamming down around you. Tommy raises his hands, “Please, just let me untie you so you can breathe.”
You spin slowly, giving your back to him and he approaches. His fingers pulling and working the ropes and the irony of him removing knots as you start to mentally tie yourself up in them is enough to make you nauseous. You retreat into your mind, looking for that stupid box. I fucking told you! You practically scream at the shadow you know it’s hiding in.
“Try to slow your breathing for me,” Tommy says softly as the rope begins to loosen and fall away from your body. Tonight felt too normal, too comfortable. You started to feel like maybe Joel was feeling the same way you do, but now you feel like you’ve been slapped across the face with yet another reminder that you are not enough. Six out eight universities and the man you completely misread. 
“I’m so fucking stupid.” It doesn’t come out self deprecating or angrily. Just as if you’re stating a fact, similar to how you’d say you like the colour green. 
“No, this is on me.” The rope falls away from your body and you step away, spinning to face Tommy. “I shouldn’t have said yes when she asked me to bring her here tonight. I assumed Joel had ended it before they were in Europe.”
“What?” You breathe out in disbelief. Even though you can see the rope in Tommy’s hands, it still feels like it’s around your throat.
You wander towards the nearest couch. All those pictures, all those flirty texts and she was there the entire time? You hear your mothers voice again, ‘You might be the smartest one in this town but the real world is going to eat you up and spit you out.’ Nothing has felt more true, especially today. Six schools rejected you, selecting smarter shinier applicants and now the same thing is happening with Joel. You knew you didn’t hold a candle to her, he wanted you to go with Tommy so he could keep her, didn’t he?
‘It’s only you.’ His desperate voice from the day in his office comes out of the shadows of your mind. But it’s not only you. If he didn’t end it with her then it’s her too. You’re constantly in competitions that you have no business being in. 
“No, not ‘they’. Not like that. They were there for different things, not together,” Tommy’s voice has a hint of panic. “...I’m really fucking this night up, aren’t I?”
Just then, Joel and Jade come through the curtain. “Sweet girl….”
“No,” you say, cutting him off with a wave of your hand. You want to yell and scream and ask him what was with all that “it’s only you” bullshit.
“Baby, please, just listen to me.” Joel kneels in front of you and you stand up. His hands come to either side of the couch, keeping you there. “Please?”
You can feel his eyes on you but you keep staring straight ahead, the curtains of all the rental rooms are drawn shut. “Please just go, Joel.”
Jade steps into your line of vision and you can feel the jealousy twisting at your stomach. She’s fucking beautiful. Long icy blonde hair that looks silky to touch, slender limbs and a perfectly symmetrical face. Her make up is done to perfection, and to top it all off she was kissed by an angel in the breast department. 
“I’m sorry. I left the country a few days after I saw you for your birthday celebration. I went to Germany to get married and I wasn’t coming back.” Her eyes go soft for a second as she looks down at her bare left ring finger and then back to you. “Clearly I didn’t do either of those things. I haven’t spoken to Joel and I just assumed our regular time slots still stood.”
Even without looking down, you know Joel hasn’t looked away. From the moment you met him, you’ve been able to feel his gaze on you. It’s one of the things you like so much about him, the way he looks at you. You feel warm and seen, and most importantly, safe in his gaze.
Tommy clears his throat gently and you glance his way. “Ending things with a sub is tricky. It has to be done in person. I know Joel better than anyone else, he ended things with everyone else. He’s gonna beat the shit out of me for this, but he’s crazy about you and he’s only ever looked at one other person the way he looks at you.”
“Tommy,” Jade's voice cracks as she says his name. “I think you should untie me so I can leave. I really am sorry, to all of you.”
You watch the two of them disappear back into the main area of the club before you finally allow yourself to look down at Joel. His eyes are big and soft, he looks so vulnerable. Is this real though? When you think about how easily he can slide on his dominant mask you aren’t sure what you can and can’t trust, and that’s really fucking horrible considering trust is the most important thing between a sub and dom. He could be lying, he gains blow jobs and doing whatever else he wants to your body by keeping this up. 
But what does Tommy gain from telling you what he just did? Tommy has no skin in the game here.
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Joel  
His heart is flying wildly behind his chest, blood coursing through his ears. He never thought he was going to see Jade again. Neither of them talked about it really, but after that session that you walked in on she canceled the next one and told him she was moving to be with her fiance in Germany and was getting married. He continues to look up at you; the ever growing pinch in his neck be damned, he’s not looking away. Even at this angle you manage to take his breath away. It feels like hours have gone by when you finally speak.
“I thought it was only me,” it comes out as a whisper and immediately shatters the little bits that were left of his composure. 
“It is, sweet girl. I promise you it is.”
“I want to believe you,” your voice is so calm. He doesn’t deserve you being calm right now. Or does he? You came into this very methodical. Maybe these are just sub-dom transactions to you.
“What can I do?” He says hopefully. “I’ll do anything you need, sweet girl.”
You let out a shaky breath and he can see the wall building behind your eyes, that fun goofy girl who isn’t afraid to crack a joke is slowly locking herself away. He prepares himself for you to tell him this is over, or that you need time. He reminds himself that this was always going to end in heartbreak for him, so may as well get it over with now instead of when he’s fully in love with you, before he’s learned how those warm walls of your pussy feel against his cock. Because there really will be no coming back from that if that happens.
As he tightens the muscles in his core, physically preparing for the metaphorical blow to the gut he watches your long lashes flutter shut and when you open your eyes again the wall is gone. The shimmering pools of the eyes he’s enamored by are back and relief washes over him. 
“Nothing, Mister Miller,” your voice is saccharine sweet. “Trust is the most important thing between a sub and their dom. I can’t let my own anxiety ruin this, but I might just be a bit guarded until I’ve calmed all those thoughts.”
He whispers your name, biting back a groan as your hands meet his hair. “I’m so sorry that happened, baby girl.”
“I know. So am I. I shouldn’t have gotten jealous. It’s just…”
“No, you can be jealous. I told you one thing and -.”
You tug at the strands of his hair and shush him. “I’m not done,” your voice is stern. Joel isn’t used to hearing your tone like that and he suddenly feels his chest swelling with pride. This sweet bubbly person in front of him is morphing into a confident badass. That’s probably the exact tone you’ll use in boardrooms or courtrooms when other lawyers try to talk over you and he can only hope that one day he’ll get to witness that. “I shouldn’t have gotten jealous, but I really like the way I feel around you. It’s selfish of me, but I’d like to keep feeling like this for the few months I have left here before I leave for law school.”
Selfish. He lets that word wash over him. The most selfless person he’s ever known is worried about being selfish? No, he thinks, she deserves this. Hearing you say that you’re leaving makes him feel like his chest is caving in on itself. He’ll deal with the inevitable heartbreak when you leave him. He knows those rejection letters were hard on you, but he helped you to feel better and he’s going to hold on to that and give you that for as long as he possibly can. 
Your fingers release his hair and he watches you walk the few steps to where the rope Tommy untied for you lays on the floor. He licks his lips as you bend to pick it up, eyes trailing over the delicious curves of your ass. “It would be my pleasure, sweetheart.”
You turn, walking back towards where he’s kneeling and holding the ropes out to him you say, “Is the workshop over?”
He stands up, his fingers grazing yours as he takes the rope. Electricity tingles up his forearms at the feel of your soft skin. Your body is so close to his that he can feel your soft warmth radiating against him. You being at this proximity immediately put him at ease.
“No, there’s a bodysuit tutorial right now,” he says. You nod, stepping around him. Suddenly, Joel grabs your elbow to stop you, lowering his lips to your ear, and lowering his voice to that gravelly tone he knows you love, he rasps, “I should punish you for letting another dom untie what’s mine.”
You smirk up at him, “I’d like to see you try, Sweet Cheeks.”
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You
Joel works silently around you and you lose yourself for a bit in the events that unfolded tonight. Joel has knelt in front of you before, but never like that. The sad, helpless look in his eyes, the slight slump of the shoulders. He was submitting to you, and when your fingers met his scalp, he leaned into your touch. The way his body melted at your touch was intoxicating. He wasn’t Mister Miller in that room tonight, he was Joel, and the dichotomy of this man is astounding. 
After about thirty minutes of Joel twisting, turning and pulling he has your upper half tied into a zigzagged bodysuit of rope. Joel steps in front of you and bends slightly to reach between your legs. When he brings the rope between your thighs and as he feeds it through the bottom of the chest piece, the seam of your leggings brushes against your clit. You jolt at the contact, your cheeks flushing crimson as Joel's eyes meet yours in a flash of onyx and honey. He begins shaping the bottom part of the bodysuit, bent in front of you the entire time and locking eyes with yours every time he tugs the ropes into place. 
You glance nervously around the room to see if anyone else is having the same reaction. You expected this night to be fun and silly, the way a date should be. And it was for a while, but now it’s taken a very erotic turn. The blush of your cheeks warms down your chest and neck as you hold off on what could be a very vocal orgasm in front of a room of people who you don’t necessarily want to witness it.
Joel finally finishes the body suit and moves to stand behind you, his patchy facial hair brushes the shell of your ear as he whispers, his voice full of gravel, “Hands behind your back, my sweet girl. We aren’t done.”
A shiver races up your spine and your arms fly back. “So eager,” Joel says softly, grazing his teeth along the lobe of your ear, adding gasoline to the small fire that’s been building between your thighs.  
You’re sure the arm restraints only take about three minutes to complete, but it feels like hours. The three knots that lay around your wrists, forearms, and biceps keep your posture nice and tall, and your breasts pushed up through the body suit. Once he’s finished, Joel spins you to face him, and that rope works its way in between the lips of your now absolutely soaked pussy. You squeeze your thighs together, the soft expression on his face only intensifying the growing ache. He’s such a fucking tease, you think, and now he’s looking at you as if you put the stars in the sky. Finally, his dark brown eyes settle on yours and he gives you a closed lip smile.
“What?” You ask breathlessly.
“I jus’ thought that I’d go all caveman seein’ you like this,” he steps into you, one hand cupping your cheek, the other tugging on the rope near your waist, which jiggles the rope that has you on edge. Joel’s voice lowers, this next part just for you to hear. “But you just look so beautiful.”
He tugs up on the rope and pleasure courses through you as you gasp quietly. He gives you that sexy smirk that makes that dimple carve into his cheek. 
Yep, he’s a fucking tease. The little box says, confirming your thoughts. 
“You like that, sweet girl?”
He tugs again and your forehead falls to his chest. “Please, Mister Miller,” you whisper into his expensive cotton t-shirt. 
Starr interrupts the two of you, but you can’t peel yourself away from Joel right now. The slightest move of that rope might make you explode. “Well, based on that reaction I’d say you tied it just right, Joel.”
“Thank you for coming, Starr. I’m sure we’ll host one of these again soon. Tommy is by the bar, he can help you kick everyone out.”
“Joel,” she says, a slight hint of amusement in her now hushed voice. “Your rope bunny is on the verge of having an orgasm, go.”
With that he hoists you over his shoulder and walks towards the door that leads to the private rooms. “Fuckfuck, I’m gonna -” you whisper into his broad back and squeeze your thighs tighter as Joel walks. 
The second the door shuts, separating you from the others Joel puts you on your feet and jiggles the rope around your waist. “Come, baby.”
You fall into him for support, his other arm wrapping around you to hold you up as stars blur your vision. “That feel good, my little rope bunny?” 
“Yes - oh god, yes.” Your arms pull at the ropes restraining them behind your back and you can’t hold it anymore. Your orgasm practically slams through you as you gasp and moan into Joel's broad chest. “Fuck, Mister Miller.”
 “You’re so beautiful when you let go for me. I’ll never get sick of watching you like this.” He continues to work the rope as your high crests and your legs start to go weak and boneless below you.
“I can’t…p-please Mis - Fuck.” Joel lifts your lax and quivering body over his shoulder again and makes his way to his room, placing you at the foot of the bed, spinning you and pushing between your shoulder blades until your chest meets the mattress.
“Spread your legs,” he commands and you listen, moving your feet to be shoulder width apart. He wraps two cuffs around your ankles, and attaches them to the bottom of the bed posts before doing the same to the ropes around your arms. You’re trapped, stuck bent over the end of the bed and even though you’re fully clothed under all of these ropes, this is easily the hottest thing you’ve ever done. “Fuck me. How are you so goddamn sexy even when you’re fully clothed.”
You hear Joel’s footsteps around the room, gathering whatever he has decided to use on you tonight before you can feel him behind you. “Sweet girl, I do believe I read that you would be interested in sensory deprivation. Is that correct?” 
“Yes, Mister Miller,” you hum.
“Do I have your consent to blindfold you and then have you listen to music in noise canceling headphones?”
Fire erupts in your stomach, your core pulsing at the thought of him doing whatever he wants to you. “Yes, Mister Miller.”
A silky black blind fold slips over your head, Joel's large body covering your back. “What’s your safeword?” he growls, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. 
“Stegosaurus.” Just once you’d like that to not leave your lips in the whiny, desperate tone it does when he asks you that question. 
“Good girl,” he praises before the plush headphones cover your ears. All you see is black, all you hear is soft decorative piano music, and all you feel is the warmth of Joel over your buzzing skin. There’s not a single thought in your mind, everything is silent. This is what you need and you start to worry that you’ll become addicted to the way Joel makes you feel everything while thinking nothing. 
The warmth of his body disappears from you and you whimper at the loss. Your eyes clench closed as if that will help you be able to find him. A thin, pulsing vibrator hits the back of your thigh and you jump. Joel's large hands rubs your opposite hip and every muscle relaxes under his touch. The vibrator pulses softly as he moves it up your thigh, tickling along your hip, and then down the other leg. You can’t hear the sounds that you’re making but you’re sure they’re desperate, needy gasps.
After teasing your arms Joel slips something small and hard between your body and the rope that’s been torturously teasing at your clit before you feel him pull away. You adjust so your forehead is resting on the mattress before it dips with the weight of him sitting beside your head. His warm fingers wrap around your neck and he kneads the muscles.
“Mmmm, thank you Mister Miller,” you hum. 
Whatever Joel slipped against your clit comes to life, a dull vibration that is sure to be your undoing has you attempting to arch your back, but you can’t move. Your breathing quickens, short little puffs of air passing your lips. 
“I’m gonna come,” you murmur quietly, or at least you think it’s quiet since you can’t hear yourself or anything else. Joel’s strong fingers continue the delicious swirling patterns up and down the sides of your neck as you begin to shake. “Oh god - I’m so close!”
Just as you’re about to slam head first into another orgasm the vibrating stops and Joel’s fingers disappear from your skin. “No,” and this time you know it wasn’t a whisper or a whimper.
The mattress jostles and then you feel Joel behind you again. A hand comes to one of yours, coaxing it out of the fist you’ve apparently clenched before doing the same to the other. The vibrating starts stronger this time and both his hands come to yours, his thumbs massaging at your palms. It doesn’t take long this time before you’re right on that edge again.
“Fuck, Mister Miller. Puh-please don’t stop!” Your legs start the familiar shake that happens right when you’re about to tip over the edge and he doesn’t follow your wishes. The hand massage stops, quickly followed by the vibrator being switched off. You groan in frustration and he lays a quick, sharp spank over your legging clad right ass cheek. “Hnnng - sorry.”
You can’t be certain, but based on the warm puffs hitting your core you’re pretty sure he’s knelt down behind you. The vibrator comes to life again, stronger than the last two times and his hands work at massaging the muscles along the back of your thighs. This is torture; wonderful euphoric torture and as much as you want it end, you also don’t ever want him to stop making you feel this way. 
You let your eyes flutter open behind the blindfold, it’s still just as dark but you see that little pink sparkly box. The one that’s overflowing with emotion for Joel. You should push it back into the shadows or light it on fire, but instead you let it come out of the shadows completely. You see your hands reaching for the lid just as the white hot pleasure in your core gets close to the breaking point.
“Please please…Mister Miller - fuck!” You whimper and whine as it begins to burn hotter and then it’s gone and it feels like the air is being sucked forcefully out of your lungs. 
“Nonono, I can’t. Please, I need you..” Joel's large body is across your back in a second. The hard bulge in pants pressing against your ass and the memory of how good he felt and tasted in your mouth the last time has saliva pooling under your tongue. You swallow hard as one of the padded ear pieces is lifted from your ear.
Joel’s voice is deep and gruff as he says, “What do you need, my sweet girl?”
The little box of feelings vibrates at him calling you his and you kick it back into the shadows. “I need to come, Mister Miller.”
“That right? How bad?” He says teasingly before placing a feather light kiss on that sensitive spot right below your ear.
“So bad. Please, it hurts, Mister Miller.” You are pouting into the fluffy sheets, a completely whiny mess, and you realize that you’re always a mess for him. Be it a horny or depraved one, a whiny or a pouty one, he doesn’t care and if anything you think he likes it that way, likes you that way. “I want to hear you. I miss your dirty talk, please, baby!”
“Fuck,” he breathes. “I should spank you until you can’t sit tomorrow for calling me anything but Mister Miller. You know that, right?” 
“I can’t think straight. I’m sorry, just please. Please!”
He whips the headphones off of you and the vibrator hits at an intensity you have never felt before. Your pornographic scream fills the room. His large body above yours intensifies everything that was already killing you.
“That what you need, huh?”
You cry out and try to say yes but you’re sure it’s all just an incoherent mix of sounds at this point. 
“God damn, baby girl. You should see yourself right now. All tied up in knots that I made. The way your leggings hug the curves of your hips and soft, creamy thighs. You’re going to be the death of me one day.”
Tears start to flow behind your blindfold as the pleasure almost becomes too much, you haven’t come yet, and at this point you aren’t sure if you’ll survive it if you do. You have half a mind to ask Joel if an orgasm can physically split you in two because that is how you feel right now. 
“I’m - oh god - I’m…” You try to form the words but you can’t. 
One of Joel’s hands slips between his front and your tied up arms, his hand wrapping tightly around yours. His lips come to your ear as whispers. “I got you, sweet girl, just let go for me.”
“Need to see you,” you say between gasps of air and the pleasure begins to burn in your. 
Joel peels the blind fold off. You blink him into focus, his warm eyes searching your face. “Let go, you’re ok.”
As per usual, it’s his words that seem to be that final push and you let your orgasm consume you. It starts as a cold spark, a shiver up your spine and then heat flushes through every since cell in your body. You moan and writhe beneath Joel who whispers your praises like a prayer. Talking you through the intensity of the feeling. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you’re sure your panties, leggings and the rope are ruined.
“I can’t!” You gasp and Joel slows the vibration to help you ride out the decresendo of your orgasm. As the jolts of your body slow, he follows suit; the vibrator going to a dull blip and eventually nothing. Joel's thumb traces soothing patterns on the hand he’s still holding between your bodies. You take a deep and shaky breath, trying to calm your racing heart. 
“Are you ok, angel?” he asks quietly and goosebumps somehow spread along your too hot body.
“Better than ok,” you say with a small smile.
Joel’s lips meet yours, soft and pliant and so full of passion. Your eyes shut as you part your lips for him and when your tongue strokes gently against his he lets out a small whimper that causes your pulse to leap. Mentally, you grab a bigger box, stuffing it with the realization that you’re falling for this man. But you will deal with that later, right now you just need to let yourself have something that is for, well… yourself.
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Joel 
He breaks the kiss, even though he doesn’t want to. Even though he knows that by breaking this kiss it’s only going to mean you going home sooner.  “I need to get you out of these ropes and get some sugar into you.”
The two of you sit in a comfortable silence as his nimble fingers work to undo your restraints, then the intricate knots that bind your arms, and lastly the bodysuit. He really did think you looked stunning all tied up. He didn’t plan for this night to go the way it did, but when he saw the slight flush of your cheeks and the way your eyes glazed over he couldn’t resist giving you what he knew you needed. He stays close, one hand protectively on your hip as you crawl onto the bed. Once he has you seated, he pulls a fuzzy grey blanket out from a basket beside the night stand and then opens the small fridge to grab you an orange juice and water.
He cracks the top of the orange juice. “Drink this for me, please.”
He watches your eyes do a quick half roll but you don’t fight him, fingers just barely grazing his as you take the juice from him. “I had fun tonight,” you say between sips as he walks to grab the coconut oil. 
Joel stands beside you. “So did I, sweetheart. Arm, please.”
You take the orange juice in your left hand and give him your right. Both of you watch as he puts oil on the few pink marks the ropes left behind. “Do you think I should change my safeword?”
He lifts one eyebrow at you and as he tends to your other arm says, “Why do you ask that.”
“I don’t know. It’s just…well, originally that little dinosaur on your coffee maker seemed so out of place. It intrigued me. Your home is beautiful, but the parts you let people see don’t give away any hints about you, except for that little dinosaur. But now that I know the whole story, it just seems too special of an item to be tied to what we do.”
“I don’t think we need to change it. You’re right, that little stegosaurus is special to me.” He sits sideways on the bed, grabbing the empty orange juice container and handing you the water. His jaw flexes once before he continues, “But so are you. I love that you felt a connection to that part of me. Ultimately, it’s your safe word, sweet girl, so you can make it anything you want, but I think it’s perfect for us.”
The soft look in your eyes as he speaks is almost enough to kill him, and when your lips twitch up ever so slightly at his words he knows he’s done for. He shouldn’t fall for you, especially since he’s sure there’s no way you’d ever feel the same way, but he can’t not fall for you.
Your name passes his lips with a nervous tremble, because he knows that what he’s about to say next is going to be his undoing. If you say yes to this next thing, if he continues spending actual time with you, he’s done.
“Ya?” you say before sucking your bottom lip through your teeth.
“Friday night is the five year anniversary party for the club. It’s a black tie event for all the VIP guests. Would you like to accompany me?”
He watches as your eyes land on your lap, your lips pressing together as if to suppress a smile. When your gaze floats back up to his, your eyes give you away. Try as you might to hide your expressions with him; he'll always know when you’re happy based on the glitter of your eyes.
“I’d really like that, Mister Miller.”
His forehead meets yours. “This might be a Sweet Cheeks moment.”
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Thank you soooo much for reading! Remember to follow @mountainsandmayhem-updates for future chapters xo.
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aquaticmercy · 26 days ago
Text
Waste a moment / Part 3
Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 
Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum.
Requested by :  @remoony
Word count : 2.5k
Note : I’ve got so many people requesting to be tagged and for that I love you all! Please let me know if you wanna be tagged! P.s. I am just about to watch Agatha and I’m so nervous and excited at the same time!
Series Masterlist
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“The Wandering Man”
Tuesday night.
When you got to Bucky’s place, it was quiet. 
Too quiet.
The lights were too dim, the air felt too still. The apartment had been waiting for something, or someone, to breathe life into it.
Bucky led you inside without saying much, only a few words of reassurance, and a few how are you holding up?s here and there.
He showed you to the guest room, small but comfortable and cosy. A soft bed was tucked into the corner under a window that overlooked the city lights. It felt both safe and strange, for reasons you could not quite comprehend yet.
You stood there, unsure of what to do with yourself. You didn’t know if you were supposed to feel relieved, maybe grateful? All you felt was confusion. 
Before long, he returned with a familiar-smelling cup of tea. It was your favourite tea, even though you could not recall ever telling him before.
Bucky he set the cup on the table. His smile was soft, almost practised, as if he had rehearsed how to be gentle with you. 
You stared at it for a moment, then back at him, before picking it up. The tea was hot in your hands, the steam curling in a way that should have felt comforting— but instead, the scent of it haunted you like a ghost haunted an abandoned house.
You took a sip. “You knew.”
“You always liked it.” Bucky offered a small, almost shy smile. “You used to make it for me when I had trouble sleeping.”
I wouldn’t accept it. I didn't think I deserved this, Bucky thought to himself, but he decided not to tell you. Yet. 
“You should get some rest,” Bucky said, his voice gentle. “It’s been a long day.”
You nodded, but the moment you sat on the centre of the bed, you knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily. The gravity of everything—the missing years, the lost memories— pressed down on your shoulders, making your chest constrict.
Bucky's quiet support, staying with a friend,  should have soothed you, but his kindness felt like an intrusion—a reminder that you were a stranger in your own life, occupying a space you no longer belonged in.
Wednesday.
The next morning, you woke to the scent of coffee. 
Bucky knocked lightly on your door before stepping inside, holding a mug. His smile was hesitant as he handed it to you.
You accepted it with a quiet “thanks.”
“Everything can be as slow or as quick as you like. Some of the others want to see you, but you don’t have to unless you’re ready.” He paused for a second, before saying, “You can stay with me as long as you want.”
His voice was calm, steady, trying to keep your world from spinning too fast. You nodded, weighing his offer.
As you sipped the coffee, warmth spread through your chest. It was perfect. The perfect amount of milk. The perfect amount of sugar.
He knew.
The conversation unfolded slowly throughout the day, a gentle ebb and flow that mirrored the tentative trust being rebuilt between you and him. 
At first, it was just small talk, safe topics that didn’t demand too much of either of you—things like the weather, the view from his apartment, the streets below. As the day wore on, the conversations grew a little deeper.
“You’ve lived here a while?” you asked, glancing around the living room, noting how sparsely decorated it was. There was a sense of calm in the simplicity, but with it a hint of reluctance to make this space feel truly like home.
“Yeah, a couple of years now,” Bucky replied. “It’s not much, but it’s quiet.”
You nodded, sensing the weight of his words. “Quiet can be good,” you chuckled, almost cathartic. “I guess I don’t really know what I need right now.”
His blue eyes were understanding, though you could tell there was something hidden behind them. “That’s okay.”
You offered a small, grateful smile. 
The longer it stretched, the more peaceful the silence became. You were not friends yet, not really. Not him and this version of you.
But if you trusted him before— and your instincts told you that you did— he must be a good person. 
So far, you enjoyed his company, and he did not demand friend out of you, not the same way Sam did. 
He was not disappointed by your lack of acknowledgement. He just seemed to be happy you were there.
For now, you could just live in the present, as if standing at the edge of a doorway without needing to cross it just yet.
Then, after sensing your ease, he shared a memory, trying to fill the gaps that were left in your mind. 
“Do you remember the time we went hiking outside the city? I think it was after Happy’s birthday party. Everyone else was hungover, but you dragged me out at the crack of dawn.”
You blinked, trying to pull the threads together, but nothing came. “I don’t... I don’t remember.”
“We got lost for hours.” Bucky smiled faintly, a touch of sadness in his eyes. “You swore you knew the way, so I didn’t bother questioning you. I just followed.”
“I-I’m sorry.” you said quietly, unsure of what the nature of the memory was.
“No, no.” He chuckled lightly. “We ended up finding this little stream. We just sat there for a while, didn’t talk much, just... listened.”
You tried to picture it, to feel that day as vividly as Bucky seemed to, but all you could grasp were shadows. “I wish I could remember.”
“You will. Or you won’t. Either way, it’s okay,” he said, his voice low and reassuring. But beneath the calm mask he put on, Bucky’s thoughts churned. 
He had secretly loved that hike. But when you coaxed him out that day, he had been cold, distant, as always. He had criticised everything you did, grumbled when you got lost. 
But you? You were calm that day, as you had been every other day. You were patient with him. You had seen that he needed to get out of his apartment, see the world that he inhabited for once. 
You pulled him out of the darkness that day. Kept him sane. 
God, I’m sorry... for everything you don’t remember. For everything I said and for everything I didn’t, he thought to himself. 
He didn’t let it show, though, didn’t let his guilt fade into the background. Instead, he focused on the present, the small victories of connection that he made with you, hoping it would make up for all the distance he put there before.
Later, after ordering dinner and eating quietly, you sat together on the couch. 
You mustered up all the courage you could find asked him something that had been on your mind. “What was I like?”
Bucky hesitated for a moment, knowing he needed to choose his words carefully. “Strong. Stubborn,” he told you. “Kind. You always saw the good in people.”
You stared at him, searching for any clues of insincerity and found none, though the tremble in his lips suggested there was more to his answer than he was letting on. 
Still, it was hard to reconcile the person he described with the emptiness you felt now. Hearing him talk about you—about her—you began to understand why everyone seemed so hurt about losing who you became in the last four years.
You nodded, trying to imagine that version of yourself. “It’s hard to picture.”
Bucky glanced down. He found it hard to picture who he was before all this, too. 
He had changed so much in the past few days. He had changed so drastically in the way he treated you, that he was torn between whether he should remind you of what he'd said before your mission.
His own words echoed in his head: ‘I feel like I can't breathe around you.’
Seeing you like this, disoriented and vulnerable, he questioned if you really needed to know how cruel he'd been before.
For now, the guilt of it now belonged to him alone. 
He knew he would have trouble hiding the ache in his chest, knowing that he had hurt you, knowing that he had pushed you away when all you had ever offered was kindness.
But maybe that thrumming pain was worth it.
This was his second chance. 
He could be better. He could finally be the friend you deserved, even if you never remembered what had happened between you. 
He could be patient, he could be there for you, without the burden of the past hovering over every word. Bucky didn’t know if you would ever regain your memories, but for once, he didn’t need to fix things. 
All he had to do was be there.
“You don’t have to picture it,” he said gently, “you’re still that person.”
As you spent the rest of the evening getting to know him, he realised how much he had missed this—your presence, your laughter, even the way you furrowed your brow when you were lost in thought. He had been so afraid of it before, afraid of getting too close. 
Almost losing you had shaken him to his core. This time, he wasn’t sure he could survive pushing you away again.
So, he didn’t.
Thursday. 
Bucky stood by the door of the medical bay, his posture tense. He watched carefully as the doctor completed the exam. 
He had taken you back to the compound to see a doctor, to get you properly discharged. You did run out, after all. 
You sat on the table, blinking against the harsh lights, your mind struggling to clear the fog that clung to your thoughts.
The doctor's explanation confirmed what Bucky had already suspected. The confusion, the disorientation—it was all normal after what you'd been through. He had said it was a good thing you were staying with a familiar face, though you didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn’t familiar to you.
Everyone around you just told you that he was.
When the doctor finished, Bucky gently helped you down from the table. He guided you through the sterile hallways, bringing you home to his apartment.
Friday. 
Bucky’s bathroom was dimly lit, a faint glow from mirror nightlight casting uneasy shadows against the walls. You stood in front of the mirror, hesitating to look at the reflection that would greet you. 
You’d avoided it until now, not wanting to confront the parts of yourself that didn’t make sense. The parts that didn’t look like it belonged. That didn’t look feel it belonged.
But today, after hours of consideration and glancing at your reflection, you dared to lift your eyes to meet the unfamiliar person staring back at you.
The image of your own face was uncanny. 
The ends of your hair were frayed and split, the wear of weeks without proper care was evident. 
There were the scars. Angry, jagged lines that trailed down the side of your face, ghosting over your cheekbone, one disappearing into your hairline. Those were the scars from the last mission, they had said. The head injury that cost you your memories. 
Your eyes trailed down, seeing bruises scattered across your shoulders, deeper marks that told stories your mind couldn’t piece together.
You lifted your hand, making sure your reflection followed you. Making sure this was still you— and it was.
You didn’t recognize this person.
You didn’t recognize yourself.
The grief that you had been avoiding for days struck like lightning— the years stolen from you. The friends you couldn’t remember, the disconnect your soul felt from your body. Your chest tightened as tears spilled over, and you clutched the sink, knuckles hurting.
Keep yourself together.
You’re stronger than this, dammit.
The bathroom door was barely ajar, but it was just enough for Bucky to catch the muffled sound of your quiet sobs. 
He knew how disorienting it was— how painful it could be, waking up and not recognizing your own life. 
He stepped closer, knocking on the door before opening it. "You okay?"
You quickly wiped your eyes, straightening your posture. You tried to compose yourself before he could notice, but you didn’t know you were too late.
“Yeah,” you sniffled, forcing a shaky laugh. “It’s just… I think I need a trim. My hair’s a mess.”
Bucky nodded, the lines of his forehead softening. He knew that wasn’t why you were crying, but he didn’t pry, didn’t push. If you needed time to admit to him— or to yourself— how much you were hurting, he would wait, even if it meant waiting forever.
“I can help,” he offered quietly. "I trim my own hair. I’ve got the scissors for it."
You hesitated, biting your lip. “That would be good.”
Bucky left for a moment, returning with a small set of scissors and a comb. The nothingness between you was gentle, not awkward at all. 
Bucky stood behind you, his touch careful as he gathered your hair, brushing through the tangled strands.
His hands, though large, moved with a delicacy that you didn’t realise he was capable of. He barely spoke as he worked on your hair, methodical and focused. 
You couldn’t help but notice how close he was, the soft sound of his breath on your ears. His metal fingers occasionally grazed the back of your neck, sending a slight shiver through you.
"The scars and bruises," he said softly after a few moments, as if he could sense your tension. “They’re a part of you. Doesn’t mean they’re all of you.”
You wanted to believe him, but it was hard to see anything beyond the damage when you didn’t know where it came from. 
It was hard to accept the version of yourself that had come out of that mission that had ruined your life, though you didn’t even remember how.
“I don’t even remember how I got them,” you whispered, your voice thick. 
“But that doesn’t change who you are.” Bucky paused, his hands still in your hair for a brief moment. “It doesn’t change what you mean to me.”
Your breath hitched at the implication of his words, but you didn’t say anything. 
He resumed trimming, the sound of the scissors snipping through the strands echoing in the room. 
“You’ve got a lot of split ends,” he said. "I’ll take care of them."
You managed a soft laugh, despite the tears still burning at the corners of your eyes. “Thanks, Bucky.”
He continued working in silence until he finished. 
“There,” he said, setting the scissors down and stepping back to admire his work. “I think you look beautiful.”
As you once again looked into the mirror, you looked a bit more familiar. 
Bucky had trimmed your hair from memory, from what he remembered it looked like when you first joined the team, hoping it would help. 
“Bucky?” You called after a moment of silence.
“Hm?” He replied.
“Do you think our friends can start visiting next week?”
-to be continued…
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@blackbirdwitch22 @royalwriteroftheuniverse @ayayaeyato @btssaysstudy @unaxv
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aventurineswife · 15 days ago
Note
aventurine, sunday, and any others when reader pretends to not remember them after a bad injury hehe…[angst with fluff at the end] i love giving my poor babies heart attacks mwahaha
anyways love u and ur writings btw k byeee drink water ok byeee 💕✨
“I'm sorry, but who are you?”
Tags: Aventurine x Reader, Sunday x Reader, Ratio x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Soft Fluff, Light Humor Angst to Fluff, Established Relationship, Memory Loss, Reassurance.
Warnings: Emotional distress (brief moments of fear and confusion).
A/N: thanks for the reminder, anon! 😪😮‍💨I really need to drink some water
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Aventurine's eyes widened, his usual playful smirk faltering as you looked at him, confusion clouding your gaze. He reached out, as though instinctively wanting to close the distance between you, but he hesitated. Your words cut through the air, soft and fragile.
"You… you are… who exactly?"
The words stung more than he expected. His heart raced in his chest as he observed the faint, distant look in your eyes. He had always been in control of the game, masterful in reading people, but this? This was a blow to his carefully constructed facade.
"You don’t remember me?" His voice was softer now, the bravado slipping as his pulse quickened.
You shook your head, an empty feeling creeping into your chest. "I don’t think so. Sorry… am I supposed to?"
Aventurine's smile faltered, and for a moment, you saw something raw beneath his cool exterior. Pain. Fear. He stepped back slightly, trying to hide the cracks forming in his walls.
"I suppose I’ve miscalculated…" he muttered to himself, voice barely audible.
But then, you reached out and touched his arm gently.
"I—"
Aventurine looked at you, his breath catching in his throat as you softly smiled. "I do remember you, though. Maybe I was just… testing you?"
The game was on again, but this time, it was different. He chuckled, a soft, relieved sound that made the weight of his worries lift just a little.
"You're dangerous, you know that?" he said, his voice returning to its usual lighthearted tone, though there was an underlying tenderness now.
You smiled. "I think I’ll keep you on your toes."
And with that, the shadows of doubt lifted, replaced by the warmth of your presence—one he could no longer imagine being without.
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Sunday stood there, his eyes darkened with a mix of concern and confusion, staring at you as if you were a stranger. His fingers twitched slightly, an impulse to reach out, to make sure you were real, that you hadn’t slipped into some other world.
"You… you don’t recognize me?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper, fragile under the weight of his own disbelief.
You blinked at him, the blank look in your eyes unnerving him more than he cared to admit. "I’m sorry… I don’t think I do. Are we… close?"
The air between you seemed to freeze, thick with unspoken emotions. His mind was racing—how could you forget him, forget everything you had shared? The kindness, the warmth, the bond he’d built so carefully with you...
"I see," Sunday murmured, his gaze softening with a hint of sadness. "I suppose it’s a part of the dream, isn't it? To forget… to lose everything."
You could see the strain in his expression, the hope fading from his eyes. "Sunday, I… I didn’t mean to forget you."
You reached for him, your hand trembling as you touched his sleeve. The contact seemed to pull him out of his thoughts, and his breath caught.
A moment of stillness.
Then Sunday smiled faintly, the sadness still lingering. "I suppose we’ll just have to make you remember, won't we?" His voice was gentle, though you could hear the underlying fear in it.
You smiled, this time with a reassurance he needed. "I think I already do."
A sigh escaped him, a soft, grateful breath as he pulled you into his arms.
"Don't ever scare me like that again." he murmured into your hair, holding you close.
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Ratio’s usual air of unshakable confidence was nowhere to be seen. He stood before you, his eyes wide with confusion and an almost frantic edge to his movements.
"You—don’t remember me?" he repeated, his voice betraying a crack he hadn’t expected.
You stared at him, trying to piece together the fragments of the world around you, the details of his appearance leaving you more unsettled than anything. "I… I’m sorry, I don’t think I know you."
His frown deepened, his expression unreadable but filled with something you couldn't quite place—was it hurt? Disbelief?
"I see. This is… unfortunate," he said, voice smooth yet tinged with something that didn’t fit. He folded his arms over his chest, eyes narrowing slightly. "I expected better from your memory."
You looked at him more closely, sensing a vulnerability underneath the sharpness of his demeanor. He was, despite his intellectual brilliance, losing himself in this.
You took a step closer, closing the distance between you, your hand reaching for his, gently catching his wrist. "I’m sorry… but I’m sure we’ve met before. I just—"
He paused, his sharp breath catching in his throat as he looked down at your hand on his. For a brief moment, his composure cracked, and you could see the raw emotion behind his usually controlled facade.
"Don't do this to me," he whispered, his voice barely audible, as if the weight of the situation was too much to bear. "You must remember."
You smiled softly, understanding now. "I remember. You’re the one who always insists on teaching me things."
His gaze softened instantly, a relieved exhale leaving him. "Good."
Ratio’s usual brilliance returned, but this time, there was something gentler about him. "Perhaps next time, try not to lose your memory so easily."
And though his words were sharp, his hand reached out to take yours, a reassurance that you were not lost to him.
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Me lmaoo
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